Feelings
by existential1rony
Summary: An exploration of Hailey's and Jay's feelings for the other after 6x10 and onward, episode-based... Delving a little further into their journey than what we're given on the show. Let's go!
1. Chapter 1

**[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!]**

* * *

Hailey Upton was wrapping up at the precinct and intent on getting the hell out of there for the day. It's been two hours since her brief conversation with Jay ABOUT Adam, and five hours since Jay had overheard her conversation WITH Adam. All of it was enough to make her head spin.

Once she walked through the door of her townhouse, the first thing she did was pour herself a drink, and quickly went into the living room with it… She didn't want to drink at her usual spot, the kitchen island, because that's where she and Jay drank after a particularly hard day. No, tonight was reserved for her to swallow alone in the quiet of her couch.

When she was settled, halfway through the first drink, wrapped in a blanket, and grabbing the whiskey bottle she brought to the coffee table to pour some more… she finally allowed herself to get caught up in her thoughts and feelings. She could almost still feel the tears in her eyes that formed when she had to tell Jay the truth. Her lower lip quivered a little on her next sip and she realized that maybe these tears were fresh. Today was not how she wanted things to go down, for a variety of reasons.

First things first, she was not expecting to have such a reaction to Adam acting so reckless and risking his career (and innocence.) She gets it, he's loyal to a fault to their unit… maybe that's the one thing that still draws her in, from what she originally thought was just sexual attraction. She can admit to herself, and him apparently, that she cares for him despite trying not to. That's what she gets for consistently sleeping with him and seeking comfort in a guy she thought her heart was safe from… because the comfort she seeks in the other guy, her heart definitely isn't safe...

Her thoughts now turn back to Jay, of course. She wanted sooo bad to not have her partner find out about her and Adam. If she's being honest, she didn't want anyone to find out, but especially Jay, and boy did she blow that today… first Voight then her Jay… What is she thinking? He was never "hers," she wouldn't allow that… maybe that's why she finds herself in the predicament she's in. She's tried so hard to fight the feelings she's had for him. Adam has been a great distraction for her, there's even a part of her that wishes she could feel more for him, instead of for her partner who is eerily similar to herself.

She thinks back to a mere few hours before when she confessed to Jay about what was going on between Adam and her. It was incredibly hard for her to hold back her emotions, especially knowing she'd been lying to someone who not only trusted her, but that she trusts more than anyone else. Hearing Jay tell her that they were good, and would always be, she could tell from his face and voice that it was such a loaded response. She doesn't feel like she deserves his forgiveness that easily. But, she expects nothing less from Jay… while she truly has no idea how he feels about her, they've been dancing around each other long enough to know that _something_ is there …Something that neither of them knows how to address, how to admit it, or whether or not they should. It's a risk that they're scared to take, surrounded by work that makes them constantly take risks… oh, the irony. After all, she's said it herself, "it's just part of our thing… the thing that works." She can't picture her life without Jay's friendship. It's one of the only solid things she has, outside of her career. Admitting out loud to wanting something more from it scares the hell out of her; especially since neither of them have the best track record with relationships. Now she's in fear she screwed up their dynamic entirely with this Adam thing.

While still deep in her thoughts, the doorbell rings. She hops off the couch to answer it and automatically assumes it's Jay. When she looks through the peephole, she finds that she's completely wrong and slightly disappointed. She pulls the door open.

"Adam! Hey! What are you…"

He brushes past her into the foyer, interrupting anything else she was going to say. He seems on edge, like he does when he wants to get things off his chest.

"Hailey, we need to talk about earlier. Y'know, before Jay walked in."

"Yes, yes we do. Come on."

She brings him into the living room and they both sit on the couch. She offers him a drink, but he turns it down.

"Look Hailey, I meant everything that I said before. I will do whatever it takes and whatever I have to do to protect our team. I understand why you're concerned and I appreciate it. But at the same time, that's just who I am. I want you to know that it doesn't mean I don't respect your opinion, because I do. I care about you as well, Hailey, so much, but…"

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before cutting him off.

"Adam, listen, I get it. I do. I know you think I don't, but I understand loyalties more than most… I just don't know if ours are in the same place. Before we continue this conversation any further, I think there's just one question we both have to answer…. 'Do you care about your loyalty to the team, more than to me?'"

She asks him it, already knowing his answer… because while for different reasoning, she knows where both of their loyalties lie more, and it's not fair to either of them.

"Hailey… c'mon, they're two in the same. You're part of the team. I'd do anything for you as well if it came down to it."

"Adam, we both know it's not the same, and that's ok! Neither of us is wrong for how we feel and view certain things. "

"I really do care about you Hailey. You've been a light in my life recently."

She gives him a teary-eyed smile because she knows he means it, and she knows she cares a lot about him too… just not as much as she does someone else…

"I know. I know you do. And I meant what I said earlier too… I do care about you Adam, but maybe it's best if we just take a break from whatever this is for a bit. Maybe some time apart will give us a fresh perspective. Maybe it will make me understand why you're doing this. Maybe it'll help you understand my view of things too. "

Adam looks at her sadly, but he nods his head.

"Yea, ok, maybe you're right. I am gonna miss the locker room benefits though." He winks and jokes with her, she laughs and slaps his arm.

They walk back over to the front door and give each other a hug goodbye, both hanging on for a while. Then Adam steps out and Hailey closes the door… alone with her thoughts again… she goes to pound another drink and thinks it's best to go to bed. Put this day to rest already.

Hailey wakes to her alarm at 6:30am and sees she has a text from Jay, telling her he'll be over in a half hour to pick her up. It was Wednesday, and one of them always picked the other up to hit the gym before work. She smiles at her phone, happy that Jay is still sticking with their tradition, despite yesterday's events.

She throws on her gym clothes and gets ready. Her mind feels refreshed for the time being, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. She believes she made the right move with Adam, and she's also relieved she's no longer harboring a secret from Jay… well, at least a palpable secret… her feelings for him will continue to stay guarded; a good night's sleep won't fix that about her.

She finishes getting ready right as she hears the horn from Jay's pickup. She throws her gym bag over her shoulder and heads outside. She opens the passenger door to a smirking Jay holding up a cup of coffee for her. She smiles to herself, relieved it all feels so familiar. She knows there will be a little more tension between them now, probably no way to avoid it without delving into a conversation about "them," but she's thankful for the small miracles.

He gives her one of his looks, almost like he senses what she's thinking… like he almost sees straight through to her soul, but all he says is,

"You good?" as he hands her the coffee once she's buckled.

She looks directly at him and smiles. "Yea. I'm good. Are you?"

He smiles back reassuringly at her and nods up his head knowingly. "We're good." He then puts the car in drive and takes off. Both content and assured that at least some things will never change…

* * *

 _[A/N: This is basically my take on what is going on with Upstead ( & Upzek) in the show. I feel that the actors and writers are trying to convey that Hailey & Jay have feelings for each other, but Adam is one of the many obstacles now with a whole different set of feelings. I think the Upzek "relationship" was/is the catalyst to make Jay realize he has feelings for Hailey... But I find Hailey's perspective the most intriguing since she's a character that does her best to hide her emotions... and I think her true feelings lie with Jay (ie: how emotional she got after he got shot, then getting drunk & sleeping with Adam to forget, and how much it upset her to confess to Jay) So I wanted to explore that a little. To be determined if I'll continue this specific story as the show goes on, we shall see. But I'm definitely fascinated by Hailey & Jay's thoughts... two very emotionally-guarded characters I enjoy writing for.]_


	2. Chapter 2

_[A/N: Hailey's thoughts during the Upstead scene in 6X12. And per request, some of Jay's recent thoughts since 6X10 as well. Thanks so much for reading and for all of the kind reviews thus far!_

 _PS. I absolutely LOVED Jay & Hailey's moments in 6X12... I honestly feel like they're building them up. Even "PD's" social media account is hardcore promoting them now, haha!] _

* * *

Hailey was sitting with Jay at the bar after another particularly hard day, especially for Jay. The two of them just can't seem to catch a break recently, in all aspects of their lives. It's been a few weeks since Hailey told Adam they should tone down whatever it was they were doing, the same amount of time Jay found out about them. She's been a little disappointed in herself because she's been weak… while her and Adam have scaled it back, she still finds herself hooking up with him occasionally for the distraction of it all. Not near the amount of what it was, but not over completely yet. She hasn't discussed this with anyone else… Jay, he still only knows what she confessed to him that night. The two of them don't dare talk about the logistics of her "relationship" with Adam, nor does either of them want to bring it up, period. As for everyone else, they're still none the wiser, especially now that Adam and her have "cooled down" somewhat.

It's been good for her that things with Jay have been as normal as they can be, all things considered, since he found out. Their friendship is still as strong as ever, and on the nights that she feels her emotions for Jay are too overwhelming and bottled up… well, Adam is a phone call away for a nice diversion. Sometimes she hates herself for it all, feeling like she's living two lives… the Hailey that is scared to come to terms with her feelings for Jay… and the Hailey that has a fun time with Adam pretending the rest of the drama doesn't exist. Well, at least it didn't until he decided to fall on the sword for Antonio… she doesn't want to handle dealing with that, along with everything else. She feels a little bad that she knows a part of her is just using Adam, but she gets the feeling that he's equally doing it to her to avoid all of his own unresolved feelings with Kim. If someone had told Hailey when she was college-aged that romantic relationships in her adult 30's would have so much drama, she'd have laughed… but, here she is, sitting across from Jay at the bar and wondering why she can't just figure things out.

They're on their second drink when they finally decide to discuss the events of today. The first beer it was nice just sitting quietly and enjoying the other's companionship. That was another of their "things," they could just sit in silence and feel comfort by just being near each other. Not that either of them would admit that, of course… maybe if they did, it would solve a lot of their problems.

Hailey finally asks him if he's alright after the day's events.

"I just keep thinking about Lauren's mom. She'll never have closure…" Jay shakes his head at her sadly.

"I get it, but you can't right every wrong Jay. There's just some things, some people… ya just gotta let it go." She realizes the irony of this statement as she says it, but it's all she's got.

Jay looks at her questioningly. "How are you supposed to be a good cop and let things go? That's the point of the job."

"Point of the job is to do the best that you can. Then you go home, pretend like the bad stuff never happened." She takes a gulp of her beer, already anticipating Jay's response to that. She feels his eyes burning into her.

"Is that what you do?"

"No." She laughs, knowing only Jay knows her enough to not only disbelieve her, but has the balls to call her out on it.

"Yea, I didn't think so…" he chuckles along with her.

It's a nice moment, a very 'them' moment. She smiles to herself, happy again that nothing has changed this about them. As she's thinking that, her phones rings and it's Adam, of course. She quickly silences it and turns it over. She doesn't want this time with Jay to be interrupted by the self-inflicted drama she's caused. She realizes it's too late because she already senses Jay stiffen, the detective in him deducing.

"Is that Adam?"

She doesn't want to admit it, but without dare looking at him, she resigns herself to saying, "yea." She promised herself she wouldn't lie to him again. She hopes Jay just ignores pushing the subject and they can go on with their night. Instead he says the one thing that completely shocks her,

"You should go." He tells her with one of his unconfident, hesitant looks; but adamant enough that it's not up for discussion.

She stares into his eyes and nods slowly. He stares right back. It's almost as if she's waiting for him to tell her to stay. She doesn't want to leave him, which is why she ignored her phone in the first place. She's disappointed when Jay doesn't. She can sense he's only trying to seem okay with it all and doesn't want her to leave, but he doesn't make a move at all. She guesses she can't blame him… she made this bed and now she has to lie in it. She gives him one more look, a last chance for him to speak up, both of their eyes pleading, but he just smirks at her. She resigns and grabs her coat.

"I'll see ya later." She says indifferently as she starts to walk away. When she gets to the door she turns back around to see Jay slump his shoulders and stare off sadly at his beer. Hailey #1 wants to turn back around and tell him that they both need to wake and grow up… Hailey #2 has already accepted the defeat of their hidden feelings and wants to continue to run from them… unfortunately, it's the latter version that wins out again. Maybe sometime soon, the first can finally win…

* * *

Jay continues to stare depressingly at his beer. He's pissed at himself that he even brought up the phone call to Hailey. He knows he did the right thing by telling her to go, but wishes he just kept his mouth shut once she silenced the call. She'd clearly still be sitting with him right now. This is what he gets for constantly being unselfish.

He thinks back to a few weeks ago when his whole world shifted out from under him. Adam had gotten himself into trouble again by admitting to having part in the death of a suspect… the suspect that kidnapped Antonio's daughter. It was clear to everyone in the unit that Adam & Voight concocted some kind of a cover-up for him, and tensions were high, but no one dared speak of it. Until of course he caught Hailey confessing to Adam that she was angry because she cared for him. Talk about a blow he wasn't expecting. After all, why should he care who his partner was sleeping with?

Of course, he'd been lying to himself for a long time… because while he shouldn't care, he did, TOO MUCH. There was a part of him that thought he had been developing feelings for Hailey for a while, but he just chalked it up to being perpetually single and her being a female he was close to. Once he caught her with Adam though, he knew he'd just been in denial this whole time. He was so jealous, but he didn't want to dare admit it to himself, nor especially to her. No, Hailey deserves happiness; she doesn't need him confusing and complicating things. This is why when she confessed to him outside the interrogation room, he promised her that they were good. It was an emotional conversation for both of them. He could tell she was upset with herself that she didn't tell him, and he could also swear there was more to the tears in her eyes, but he didn't want to read too much into it.

He'd been down this road with a partner before, and he remembers all too well how that turned out. Plus, he was already much closer to Hailey as a friend than he ever was with Erin, and he can't imagine losing that if he screwed up. He doesn't think he can handle that. It's just better for both of them if he continues to pretend there's nothing more between Hailey and him. He wants to always be there for her, he intends to always be there for her, he's not gonna be dumb enough to fuck it up. Plus, she's with Adam and she seems to care for him, she doesn't need him to throw a wrench in that. Whatever feelings he has for her, he has to keep them buried. He tells himself it's to protect her, but his subconscious knows it's to protect himself just as much.

He takes a big swig of beer and thinks back again to their moment just before. He could almost swear she was waiting for him to tell her not to go. He saw her hesitate before leaving. He can't help himself from wondering what would have happened if he grabbed her arm and kissed her. Would she kiss him back? Or would she Hailey-out and practically clock him one? He shakes his head; he shouldn't even be having a thought like that. How did things become so complicated? Part of him wishes he could go back to the days when he was first getting to know Hailey, when he wasn't quite sure he trusted her and was suspicious on why she kept trying to push him to get help. At the time, he assumed she just wanted to cover her ass from getting stuck with a deadbeat partner. But he'd never been more wrong, she really did care. In fact, next to Will or Mouse, she probably cared about his mental well-being more than anyone else… despite how he pushed her away. And now he was almost pushing her away again… He swallows the rest of his beer with one gulp, throws some cash for tip on the bar, and runs out the door, more depressed than when he entered. It's all too much for him to continuing thinking about tonight…


	3. Chapter 3

_[A/N: Jay and Hailey's thoughts in the aftermath of 6X14. Sometimes you just need to seek solace and comfort in those you're closest to. Thanks so much again for all of the reads & lovely reviews... hopefully the show will give us more quality Upstead moments soon! I'll try to do another chapter of my "Undercover Blues" story soon too.]_

* * *

Jay is sitting on his couch, nursing his beer, with the TV on low to some late-night sports game; but he's so lost in his thoughts he has no idea who is playing. It's been hours, but for the life of him he can't get the image of Hailey, blood dripping down her face, out of his head. When he first saw her like that, relief flooded him, just for the simple fact that she was alive. The relief was short-lived; once realizing seeing her like _that_ , bloodied & beaten, really kicked in and made him think how close they'd come, and especially he'd come, to losing her.

The entire day his heart had been beating with such fear that they wouldn't find Hailey and Kim in time. It was to be expected of course, everyone was worried; they all loved each other like family. From the outside looking in, it would appear that Adam would be the most distraught… after all, one was his ex-fiancé and the other he was currently sleeping with. But even though he hid it well, Jay would bet an argument could be made that _he_ was the most worried… _he_ would be the one losing his partner, _he_ would be the one losing a close friend (probably his closest), _he_ would be the one losing his only confidant, _he_ would be the one losing the person he was too scared to admit he was falling in love with. And honestly, he's not sure how he would have survived if things didn't turn out as positively as they did. The thought of never being able to see or talk to Hailey again scares him to his very core.

He takes another sip of his beer and continues to ponder off. If it wasn't for Adam, he'd be with her tonight, consoling her and making sure she was okay, emotionally and physically. He feels the hint of jealousy arise again and tries to swallow it away. He knows he has no right, it's not like he ever made a move or made it known how he really felt; still, he can't help it. Even now, even though he figures she's in good hands, he still feels like he has to check on her to make sure. To be fair, that's supposed to be _their_ thing anyway.

After mulling it over some more, knowing he won't get to sleep if he doesn't, Jay thinks "fuck it" and decides to text Hailey. He's at least making sure just to message, instead of calling, not wanting to overstep since Adam is probably with her. He lets out another sigh of frustration at that as he grabs his phone.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, just wanted to make sure you're ok again?" he quickly types.

"I'm good. Why would you be a bother?" Hailey responds rather quick, surprising Jay.

"Nah, it's nothing… I just wanted to check in."

"You sure? You're not normally a texter." She responds.

He takes a few beats to formulate his response. It must have taken a bit longer than he thought because suddenly Hailey is calling him. He smiles as he sees her name pop across the screen and quickly answers.

"Hey! Sorry, I didn't mean for you to have to call, I just… I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Jay, you usually call. You always call. You CAN always call. Why would you be a bother?" she asks him, her suspicions obviously on alert from his texts.

"Yea, I know, but I just figured with the day you had, you and Adam were probably going to sleep soon. I thought it'd be better to text."

There's a long pause from her before she finally responds. The silence is deafening on the line, but Jay patiently waits, wondering what she could be pondering.

"Adam's not here. I told him I just wanted the night to myself to regroup and rest." She finally says.

"Oh, I see." Jay voices before there's another long pause between them.

Both ends of the phone are contemplating their next words, ignoring the awkward silence.

"Well, I don't mean to keep you Hailey. Just, you sure you're good?"

"I'm fine." She says hesitantly.

"Ok then, well, I guess I'll… see you tomorrow."

"Yea…"

Instead of hanging up, there's another long beat between them, before Hailey speaks again.

"Actually Jay…"

"Yea?"

"You wanna come over for a bit? I could use some company."

"Sure, I'll be there in 20!"

Jay hangs up the phone after she tells him ok, and for the life of him he can't stop the smile that forms on his face.

* * *

Hailey is lounging on her couch as she waits for Jay to arrive, frozen peas at her side. While the swelling of her cheek has gone down from hours before, the bruising has begun to form, making her whole face ache. All things considered, it could be a lot worse. Physically, she'll be fine within a week or so. As for emotionally, well, that department is a little trickier, but not for what people would expect. While getting abducted, beaten, and not knowing if you're going to make it is traumatizing, she's actually handling all that rather well. The tricky part comes into play when thinking about the only thing she was in fear about with losing her life (outside of worrying about Kim's) – and that was she wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye to Jay. Lying there on the freezing cold floor, blood seeping down her cheek, while almost losing consciousness; and her only thoughts were about not seeing her partner again. Go figure! Even all the crazy with Kim and Adam the day had started with weren't making the cut on her near-death reel. The worst part of all these thoughts, she knew she couldn't confess them. Even now, while waiting for Jay to arrive, she tries to bury those feelings of today deep down. What a mess that would be at this point.

While she knows she has to contain those thoughts, she is completely relieved that she at least managed to get Adam to agree to leave her alone tonight. She feels kind of bad, she knows how worried he must have been and that he just wants to be there for her, but having him with her tonight just didn't feel right. She knows even more should be read into the fact that she just invited Jay over, but she really doesn't want to analyze it yet. She's aware how she's felt about her partner all these months, and it became even more obvious today, but some things shouldn't be spoken out loud. There will be a time someday, but it's not now. And it's certainly not the time after that mortifying speech from Voight. Man, she really knows how to make a mess of things. Hailey couldn't be more thankful when she hears the knock on her door, to get her out of these thoughts, and to get to see him.

She smiles as she lets Jay in and he smiles back at her. Almost as if they're reading the others thoughts, in mutual agreement to not voice them.

"Your face is looking a little better from this afternoon. You're looking real badass now!" he says to her as he steps through to the kitchen, missing her eye roll at him.

"Yea, it's still pretty sore, but I'm sure it could be feeling a lot worse." She responds as she grabs them two beers and they make their way to the living room.

They plop on her couch and peacefully sip their beers for a bit, just enjoying each other's company. Jay is the first to speak again.

"So, anything you want to talk about? I can only imagine how you must have been feeling today."

"I'm… doing ok actually." Jay gives her his 'yea right' look and she gives him a reassuring smile.

"No, really! Being abducted by amateur losers is definitely trying, but I'm fine considering. To be honest, I was more worried about Kim anyway… and had a lot of other thoughts on my mind."

Jay seems to ponder this for a bit. He starts to pull slightly at the paper on his bottle.

"Yea, I'll bet. How did the talk with Kim go actually?" he says.

Hailey finds it ironic that Jay's mind goes there and is amused by the fact.

"It surprisingly wasn't too bad. I think it was a conversation we both handled pretty well. I mean, her better than me of course. I am the one who has now been with her ex."

Jay swallows another sip of beer. "Yea, I figured she'd be fine. They've been broken up for a while now. We don't pine over our exes forever. Certain things make us move on eventually."

He looks into her eyes and she looks back, she's well aware of the implications of that loaded response. Nonetheless, she breaks eye contact first and gives a small nod.

"Yea…"

They're silent for a minute, neither wanting to say something too revealing.

"So… speaking of, how come you didn't want Adam over tonight?"

"I don't know. I just… I didn't want to be treated like a damsel in distress, y'know? He means well, but, there's nothing really to say. I'm alive. Kim's alive. And we'll both be fine. I don't need to be fussed over."

"That's fair… I have a confession to make though…"

She looks at him, waiting patiently for him to gather his words.

"You really scared me today, partner. The thought of losing you… I've never been more scared in my life! I know you guys can handle yourselves, and part of me knew you'd be fine… but the part of me that didn't…" he chokes up slightly.

Showing emotion he normally only shows her, she knows just how to calm him. She lightly places her hand on his knee to give extra reassurance for her following words.

"I know, Jay. But, I'm fine. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. It's going to take you a lot more to get rid of me… YEARS, at least!" she jokes with him.

He smiles back at her, just nodding, too afraid he'll break down if he says anything else. She knows this, she's aware, and honestly, she's too scared herself to say anymore. This moment is enough.

Hailey switches the TV to a reair of the Hawks game from earlier and they lean back into the couch quietly and comfortably. After a while, Hailey lightly rests her head on Jay's shoulder. Soon enough, all the pain meds finally catch up to her and she falls asleep. Jay spends a while studying her, relishing that she's here, she's ok, and she's leaning on him. He rests his head faintly onto hers and the exhaustion of the emotionally draining day finally catches up to him as well. Despite the abnormal sleeping conditions, it's the most peaceful night's rest either has had in a while. The partners will live to fight another day tomorrow…


	4. Chapter 4

_[A/N: Some Jay & Hailey thoughts after the EPIC Upstead moment in 6X15. I really hope this means that we'll get the writers putting them together by season's end, it's so obvious they're gearing it in that direction... I have more hope now than ever, but I don't want to get played either, haha. Anyway, sorry this one is a little shorter, but had to get something out for this scene. Thanks again for reading, & hoping to post another story soon!]_

* * *

Jay watched Platt leave the Observation Room as Hailey walked in, slightly content that they'll be able to help out Suggs' family some. He also can't stop the warmth that ran through his chest when Hailey walked over; she really had his back today, more than anyone else, even though all signs pointed against his opinion. No matter what, she's always there for him. It's something that still surprises him and shakes him to his core.

Once he hears her say, "You were right to trust your instincts," he knows it's his opportunity to finally ask what he's been dying to all day.

"Why'd you back me? You let me talk Aidan down, when probably, it didn't make sense to."

She shrugs, as if it baffled as why he'd be confused that she did. "…You looked at me... with Aidan… You looked at me and I got it. I trusted you!"

Jay stares at her, even more stunned about how adamant she is about trusting him. Of course, he feels the same way about her, but his thoughts get interrupted as she actually continues to expand upon things.

"I've trusted you from the day I met you… And if I was gonna follow someone blind, I'd follow you!"

She looks at him, earnestly and vulnerably, and Jay almost can't handle it. He stares down at her, a mix of surprise and awe. He knows this revelation is something that Hailey would not reveal normally, nor lightly, and his heart constricts even more. He needs a second to gather his thoughts; he'd love to give her a response just as epic. He's a few seconds too long though, because as Hailey notices his reaction, she also realizes how much she just put out there between them.

She averts her eyes, gives one last small smile and nod, and with a quick, "I'll see ya later" swiftly walks out of the room.

Jay is left standing there staring after her with all the things he wants to say, and all the emotions he's feeling, and all he can muster out is, "Yeah…"

He continues to stare off into the now empty doorway, still trying to process everything. Part of him realizing (or hoping for) the underlying meaning of Hailey's words, but completely befuddled because he knows she's got Adam. He thinks he's over-thinking it. It's probably nothing, she's just being a great partner like she always is. Still, he can't help but feel that there's more to this story. As all these thoughts swirl through his head, he finally gathers courage to walk out of the room and grab her again… wanting to continue this conversation before this moment, like so many others, passes again.

He turns the corner and stops in his tracks. Adam is now by Hailey at the end of the hallway and Jay overhears him asking her about going to grab a drink. She nods back at Adam and the two start walking towards the bullpen, but not before Hailey senses Jay staring at them. She turns back around slightly and gives Jay a sad smile, and as quickly as she turned around she's forward again, Jay staring off at the back of her head… her body walking further and further away from him. And even though Jay will never admit it, it takes everything in him to not drop against the wall and let the emotions over-take him. He can't help but feel he lost another perfect chance, in constant fear that there'll never be a next…

* * *

Hailey sits at a table at Molly's with Adam, physically there, but mentally, far, far away. Adam doesn't seem to notice though, he rarely does. He can't tap into Hailey's hidden emotions like Jay can, which is probably one of the things she enjoys the most. The latter scares the hell out of her. Still, she can't help the huge part of her that wishes it was Jay she was sitting across from right now. She knows it's wrong to think, the second it crosses her brain, but she can't help it.

Hailey's mind started drifting back to her moment with Jay an hour before. She couldn't stop the words from pouring out of her. She knew Jay questioned himself all day, constantly looking towards her for reassurance but not voicing it. Honestly, it was something he had from her no matter what. Which is why she had to make sure he knew that, especially today. She meant to just end it with trusting him, but her telling him she'd follow him no matter what came from the portion of her heart she tries to keep locked away. She realized it the second she saw Jay's reaction. It was a reaction that both scared and intrigued her, but too big for her to stay and hash out at this time. She tries to bring herself back to the present, only to realize that Adam is talking about Jay too.

"I still can't believe Jay was right about those kids. I can't ever imagine me thinking one of our prime suspects could be so innocent like that." He says.

Hailey nods her head, realizing again just how different Adam and Jay are from each other. They really are almost complete opposites, and she internally shakes her head again at how complicated and confusing her life has become.

"You seemed to believe him though… that's a sign of a good partner." He continues on.

"Yea. He needed someone in his corner and I trust his judgment."

"That's good. Jay needs someone like that in his life. He hardly opened up to any of us before you came along."

She casually smiles at him, quickly thinking of anything to change the subject. She'd rather not talk about her relationship with Jay to Adam, or with anyone for that matter. It was their thing that she didn't want to share with anyone else.

"Hey, did you see Herman got that new beer from Idaho in finally? Stella told me it's delicious."

"Yea? Let me go grab us two then." Adam says and walks away to go up to the bar.

Hailey breathes a sigh of relief. She really just wants to be alone right now and seek solace in her couch, already decided she's gonna call it a night after this next beer. As she watches Adam converse with Herman, she can't stop herself from pulling out her phone. She opens the messaging app and stares down at Jay's name. It takes everything in her to not text him. No, she can't reach out to him again today… things are already… too complicated. She lets out a depressed sigh this time and puts her phone back in her pocket. She looks around the bar and wants to be anywhere else… or anywhere with Jay… and it's all too much for her to accept…


	5. Chapter 5

_[A/N: Some Hailey thoughts and time with Jay after 6X16. Figured we could all use some since it'll be a month before we see these two on our screens again. Thanks again for continuing to read and for all the positive vibes!]_

* * *

Hailey was wrapping up at her desk and couldn't wait to get home for the day. It was another stressful and emotional case and her heart strings pulled for Voight… and poor Lexi. This job seemed to be getting harder by the day and she just wanted to get out of there. She's grabbing her coat off the hanger when Jay walks over.

"Where you off to?" he asks her.

She gives him her sarcastic smile, "Home…"

"Yea, I don't think so…" he looks at her, smirking and concerned.

"What do you mean?"

"C'mon, let's grab a drink first… y'know, do our thing. Today was a long one and I know ya can use one."

She's surprised there's not a part of her that wants to tell him no, after all, it was just moments ago she was thinking about unwinding alone. She's learned a long time ago though that unwinding with _him_ always makes her feel better, and out of anyone he's the hardest for her to refuse anything.

"Yea, ok. Meet ya at The Ivy?"

Once Jay agrees she walks out to her car and sits there for a few minutes mulling things over. It's been a couple of weeks since the case with Suggs and laying it all out to Jay how much she trusts him. The two of them haven't really hung out much since. Things between them have been… different recently. Since that day it's been harder for them to ignore the emotions bubbling beneath the surface with each other. She certainly has no desire to broach the subject, especially since she's still _sorta_ seeing Adam; and she knows damn well that Jay is not going to confront it. With all that, it's just been easier to keep their relationship to just the professional side… but she's missed their hangouts terribly and is quite excited that they'll have tonight, despite the dire reasons behind it.

By the time Hailey gets to the bar, Jay is already waiting inside for her with her favorite beer. She takes a moment to watch him before he sees her and she smiles to herself. She's also aware that her heartbeat revs up a little the closer she gets to reaching him... shit, she's gotta get a handle on her feelings. She shakes it off and heads over to the bar table where he's sitting. Once he catches sight of her, his face lights up with a humorous grim.

"Geez Hailey, what'd you get lost? I thought you left before me?"

She smiles back. "Sorry, I was warming up my car…" …and _thinking about you_ , she silently says to herself.

She takes a long sip of the beer he got her and nods her thanks at him. They sit amicably for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other's company and sipping their beers.

"So…" they both say at the same time and laugh. Jay nods at her to go.

"Poor Voight, I can't imagine what he's going through. He's lost _soo_ many people that he's cared about. I can't imagine going through that so many times. Maybe it's a good thing I keep my walls up…"

Her voice is laced with such sadness and hidden meaning; which doesn't go unnoticed by Jay, but he knows her well enough to know to step around it, at least for tonight, and especially because he relates.

"Yea, he's had a rough go of things since I've known him… guess it's part of the job after so many years. And now that he doesn't have Al to talk to anymore… I don't know. But, he'll get through it, he always does." He says to her reassuringly.

"Yea… it's days like today that make me really glad _we_ have _this_ …" Hailey says as she looks down, picking at her beer bottle, only to glance up and see Jay staring at her like he did a couple weeks ago. She stares back into his eyes and the moment is quick, but feels like a lifetime for them.

Jay breaks away first, taking a sip of his beer and saying, "Yea…"

"So, speaking of that… you good? I know today was rough for you too. I know you wanted to give those dancers a better outcome." He asks her.

She smiles internally again, still shocked how well he knows and can read her. He's right of course. She feels the cops let all those girls down, and even though she wasn't personally responsible, she wished she could have caught the guy AND returned their friend back to them. Unfortunately, only the former worked out… she slightly tears up as she thinks of Lexi lying there motionless, Voight trying obsessively to revive her. Jay notices her mood change instantly and quickly puts his hand atop of hers comfortingly.

"Yea… well, at least we caught the son of a bitch. But, Lexi and those poor girls… no one had their back. Police are supposed to serve and protect… and none of them did! Had they just done _their job_ , this all could have been put to rest years ago… what's the point?" she says meekly.

"Hailey, the point is that _you_ do _your_ job, _you_ do _your_ best… Yea, it didn't work out in our favor today, but so many others have been saved because of you. And that dancer today for once knew that if any cop was finally looking out for her and meant it, it was you…"

Hailey looks at him in awe, he always knows the right things to say to get her back into perspective and start feeling better. There's never been anyone in her life before him that could do that, not even Garrett… It scares the crap out of her and warms her all at the same time. She squeezes his hand in thanks and releases a deep breath.

"…Enough about me. How are you handling everything today? It was great that you stopped Voight from getting completely out of hand today. That's all he needs, to be in bigger trouble on top of everything else."

"Yea, we've all been there, and we can all use someone to pull us back from the brink sometimes…"

They stare at each other again, as if staring through their souls and feeling each unspoken thing left unsaid.

"I am glad it wasn't me who needed to be calmed today though." He says.

She looks at him perplexed, "What do you mean?"

"I thought I was gonna murder that son of a bitch myself today… when he almost caught you with the tracker and started talking to you, it took every ounce of self-control I had to not run out of the truck and beat him to a pulp."

She smiles at him knowing that he means every word and touched that he's always so concerned about her.

"Y'know I can handle myself, Jay."

"Yea, I know. But still…"

"Yea. I get it." She says and they both grin at each other.

They sit there silently for a bit, letting the feelings settle and casually sipping their beers, when Hailey's phone starts to vibrate on the table. It quickly gets awkward between them again, much like that night a month or so ago, but they power through.

"Adam?" he asks, both feeling the déjà-vu.

"Yea…"

He takes another sip of his beer before he speaks, she can tell he's contemplating his next words.

"It's ok. We can wrap this up if ya want. Ours beers are about done anyway."

Hailey looks at Jay similar to how she looked at him the last time they were in this situation, pondering herself. Only this time she's more confident to know that Jay is just acting like he's okay with it all. And unlike last time, she finds herself wanting to run away from the feelings she has for him less and less… which is a different problem entirely, but one that she can solve at a later time. Mind made up, she texts Adam back quickly and returns her full attention to Jay.

"No, I'm good here… I haven't been seeing much of Adam recently anyway." She says, and notices the quick sigh of relief Jay makes as she says that, even though he swiftly covers it.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks her.

"No…" and they both chuckle

"…but, I'd love another beer!" she shakes her empty bottle at him.

"Coming right up!" he beams at her as he gets up from the table to get them another round.

Hailey watches Jay walk up to the bar, suppressing a grin & still having no idea how she should handle this whole situation, or the feelings she's been repressing for so long - but she is certain that for tonight at least, she made the right decision…


	6. Chapter 6

_[A/N: A brief glimpse of some Hailey thoughts after the 6X17 episode. Sorry for the shorter chapter, but they really didn't give much Upstead to work with in this latest episode, unfortunately. Hopefully the final episodes of this season bring great things! Thanks so much for following along & continuing to read, much appreciated!]_

* * *

Jay and Hailey were sitting around her kitchen table, empty take-out containers strewn about, and glasses with tequila on the rocks in hand. It had been another long day and another crazy and emotional case, especially for Voight.

"You wanted to punch Williard today, didn't you?" Hailey asks.

"Only as much as you did!" he replies as they smile and nod at each other.

She thinks back to hours before when they were listening in to Voight trying to talk Darius down. They were standing right by Williard when they found out the person he really was. Another corrupt asshole who was supposed to protect those troubled kids, but instead sold them out for his benefit. She and Jay just looked at each other after Williard half-assed tried to explain. The look was all it took, as usual; they both could read what the other was thinking. It was a tough situation to hear and witness, but she was glad to have Jay next to her during it. As much as they both wanted to kill him, they knew they had to stay in the boundaries. It made her think that if Adam was there, he may not have controlled his anger and did something rash and stupid; reminding her again of which guy she was always more on the same page with. Not that it matters because apparently she's too stubborn to do anything or figure things out.

"At least he'll be behind bars for a long time now… maybe he'll get a taste of his own medicine like all the kids he sold out did!" Jay says.

"Let's hope so… for Darius' sake, and every other boy he screwed over from getting a real shot to reform themselves, and for Voight…" she says, shaking her head and taking another sip of her drink.

"Voight, man. You were right, guy can't catch a break. Not that a lot of us have had an easy go of things working this job, but still."

"Yea, I wish there was something we could do for him. At least he has Adam I guess, attempting to fill Al's shoes…" she says slightly bitterly.

"I'm sensing some resentment there… you still don't want to talk about it?" he asks.

"No, what's to talk about? Adam's Adam… he's always been more off the rails than us. He idolized Voight and Al. Besides, it's not something you and I should be discussing anyway."

"What do you mean? You can talk to me about anything, Hailey, you know that!"

"I know, but, not this… it's awkward…"

He purses his lips at her and nods his head, understanding what she means. He wants to ask her to expand upon those thoughts, but he holds back… for which she is completely grateful. She can't discuss her relationship, or whatever it is, with Adam, with him. For one, she practically burst into tears when Jay found out about it and she had to confess… and for two, she can't stand how he looks anytime the subject of her and Adam comes up, she swears Jay looks heartbroken; and whether it's wishful thinking or not, she can't handle seeing him like that. She wonders for the millionth time this year how she got herself into this whole mess. It's what she deserves for running from her true feelings…

"Hailey, I just want to let you know that whenever you're ready… to _talk_ … I'll be here. I'll always be here for you!"

He says it with such emotion that she _knows_ there must be a double meaning behind it. She's not ready to handle it right now though. She has to get the Adam situation in order first. Then all cut ties have to be clean. And _then_ , she has to allow herself to stop running and let in all the emotions she's been trying to avoid dealing with. And this is if everything goes perfectly… which has yet to be shown to exist working in Intelligence or her shitshow of a life in general. Things could and should be so much simpler if it wasn't for her stubbornness and fears… but, that's life in a nutshell. For tonight, she's just glad her partner is the most understanding person she's ever met.

She reaches her hand across the table and softly puts it over his, allowing this one brief and revealing glimpse.

"I know, Jay, I know… I'll always be here for you too… no matter what or who else comes along!"

They stare at each other and smile softly, knowing full well that one day they both need to talk… whether it comes sooner or later, it's bound to happen at some point…


	7. Chapter 7

_[A/N: A hodgepodge of Hailey and Jay thoughts after 6X18, and even a little Adam thrown in. Again, no real Upstead in this episode, but we will prevail! Hope this helps hold you over some until we get our next moment with them. Thank you kindly for all of your reads & reviews!] _

* * *

Hailey was out to dinner with Adam at her favorite place downtown, but no amount of comfort food could help her mood at the moment. She and Kevin had just shipped off Alyssa a few hours ago, to Alyssa's dismay. Hailey feels horrible, especially since she's the one who convinced her to talk and come forward. She owed it to her to protect her like she said she would, and she failed. The past couple months have just been completely frustrating… especially the job front, but all the personal drama that's been conflicting her certainly isn't helping. She continues to pick at her food quietly as Adam reaches his hand over to stroke her wrist.

"Hailey, I know you and Kev are upset… Hell, I wanna strangle Kelton myself, but you can't dwell on it all night." He says to her.

"Adam, we literally just sent her off a couple hours ago, away from everyone she knows, away from her now motherless nieces she swore to be there for, with no answers in sight. I can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I get it, but what can we do? Maybe we should have let her still testify if that's what she really wanted."

"And what, let her risk getting shot up walking down the street, minding her own business, just like her sister?"

"I'm just saying, people should be free to make their own decisions. You and Kevin helped her as much as you could, but at the end of the day she should be able to choose what she wants."

Hailey shakes her head at that. She knows Adam is only trying to be caring and make her feel better, but it's not helping all that much. There's a small part in the back of her mind wondering if this conversation isn't helping because his name isn't Jay. She knows it's a horrible thought to have, which is why she keeps trying to push it away, but she can't help feel that Jay always knows what to do or say to make her feel better. He just understands, he gets her mentality, and really it's more therapeutic than anything else…. Knowing there's someone out there who never judges you or your decisions and always has your back. All of this is starting to frustrate her even more because she's with Adam. And he deserves her full attention at the moment, especially since he's trying to be there for her. He doesn't deserve to get constantly compared to her partner, even if it's only in her head.

"I appreciate all that you're trying to do Adam, I just think I'll need a little time for this case to settle with me. Maybe a good night's sleep will do the trick. Hopefully Kevin is dealing with it better than I am."

"Actually, he texted me a few minutes ago. Wanted to know if he and I could grab drinks later. I didn't respond yet because I didn't want to leave you hanging tonight."

"No, please, go! I'll be fine. He's your best friend and needs you. Besides, I kind of just want to go home, decompress, and get to bed early."

"Bed and you in the same sentence… you're talking my language girl! I don't know that Kev can top that!" he jokes, getting her to chuckle.

"Oh yea, I'm sure I'll be a real sexy companion tonight!" she smiles back sarcastically.

"You sure you'll be ok though? You can come out with us, I'm sure Kev would love it, it's been forever since we all hung out."

"Nah, you go, I'm fine! We can rain check a group hangout." She assures him, and even though she's full of it, he believes her. He has no reason not to, she's great at concealing things… there's only one person she knows who can fully see right through it…

"Okay, sounds good. Hey, maybe you can call up Jay? Do your thing?" he suggests.

"Yea, maybe… I'm probably just gonna call it a night though…"

She contemplates his last sentence, relieved that he's still fine with all the time she spends with Jay, and that no drama has arisen, at least from that. And as much as she would love to see Jay tonight, she's going to resist because it's gotten to be too much confliction on her heart recently. She has to figure out how to deal with all these feelings… she knows she owes it to Adam, to Jay, and to herself… but it won't be tonight, she's hurting enough already.

* * *

Jay has just arrived back to his apartment, spent from the work day which has been the usual recently. It's felt like the cases have gotten harder and harder, or maybe it's his at odds emotions that just make it seem that way. He knows this one hit Hailey extra hard again today; he could see it in her eyes when they were leaving. He just wanted to pull her aside and wrap his arms around her for however long it took… but he knows it's not his place. Not anymore. She has Adam for that now. Not that it ever really was his place, but things were simpler months ago before he knew that relationship existed. His feelings for her were simpler. He was able to deny them to himself, something he can no longer do. He sometimes swears she must feel it too, but he can't cross that line… it was confusing enough before Adam, he doesn't want to disrespect his bro in addition. He lets out a frustrated sigh.

Convinced he's hanging in for the night, he grabs a beer from his fridge and plops down on his love seat. He wishes he could get a better handle on things… falling for another partner was stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course, there was nothing he could do to resist… he feels as if Hailey was fated to come into his life, and since she has it's been so much better, their recent situation aside. He knows she needs someone tonight, even if she denies it, and he sooo wants to be that person… but she's probably with Adam, and he can accept that, he has to… as long as she's seeking comfort. He just wants her to be okay tonight, to be happy, in general, even if it's not with him. He takes a long sip of his beer and turns on the TV.

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulls it out to read the message, part of him hoping it's her. It's from Kevin inviting him to go out to the bar with Adam and him. He instantly sits up and leans forward to study the message, confused… If Adam is with Kevin that means Hailey is probably alone. She can't be alone, not tonight, even if she wants and says it. He knows today devastated her, each recent case being let down after let down. There's a few components to his thoughts right now… one being anger, mad that Adam would actually leave her. However it dissipates soon because he knows how stubborn Hailey can be, and that she probably forced Adam away with assurance she was fine. The second being relief, that he can again be that person for her tonight. He knows there's no stopping him from seeing her at this point if he tried. He quickly texts Kevin back that he's going to pass, and grabs his keys again. Before he knows it, he's en route to Hailey's.

When he arrives, he runs up her outside steps and knocks loudly. He didn't alert her that he was coming, knowing it would be pointless because she'd just try to resist. After all, she once told him this was "their thing" and he's just following in her footsteps. She opens the door after a minute with noticeable tears in her eyes, her cheeks visibly puffy from crying. She just looks at him and he sees her lip tremble, and he knows he made the right choice, he knows she's glad he came.

"Jay…" she manages to say quietly, but he stops her before she can continue.

He doesn't say anything, just steps inside to wrap his arms around her in a big hug. Maybe their first hug if he thinks about it. That's all it takes for her walls to come crumbling down and she starts crying again into his chest. She cries for Alyssa and the broken promises, for Devin, for Lexi, for Voight, for Suggs, even for Darius… she cries for the emotional confusion of the past few months, for almost losing Jay, for his dad, for Al… she cries because it's suddenly gotten too hard to keep up the strong façade 24/7 and try to be there for _everyone_ … she cries because it's Jay, and he's the only one she feels comfortable with to let see her like this. And through all of it, Jay just holds her tighter. He doesn't speak, he doesn't pry, doesn't grow impatient, just lets her let it all out. Neither knows how long they stand there in her hallway like that, but it doesn't much matter. They both know that they'll always be there for the other, no matter how long it takes, or how long they have to wait…


	8. Chapter 8

_[A/N: Here's a 6x19 update for you, involving our two faves. Again, there wasn't much Upstead in this episode, but I'm excited for the final 3… with all the stuff I've heard teased about the "love triangle" now, & hearing that someone has a spoiler that something good happens with Upstead in the finale, it better not disappoint. I think maybe Jay will finally confess his feelings. Also, I love all the Tracy interviews this year; she's def Team Upstead even if she can't say it literally, you can tell she thinks Hailey is better with Jay. It's inevitable at this point. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews & following as always… hoping 6x20 gives me some really good content to work with *winks*]_

* * *

Hailey was kneeling over Reverend Dennis' body as if in a daze. It could have been minutes or days that went by as she was in her head. Jay noticed instantly, reassuringly trying to call her name, "Hailey… Hailey…" but he couldn't break through. Finally, he slowly leans down and gently puts his hand on her shoulder, trying to send her comfort. It's the only thing that snaps her out of it. She turns her head slightly to look up at him, finally remembering that he's there with her, she hears the sirens in the distance coming closer. Jay is incredibly worried, she's had to deal with a lot recently, and he doesn't want her to hold anything else in; having no idea what's triggered this current behavior… they're certainly not immune to finding half-dead bodies.

"Hey, you okay?" he soothingly asks.

She finally stands up and steps back from the body… it's too late, Dennis was a dead man long before they arrived. She shakes her head at him.

"Yea… no… it's just, last night seeing Kim with Blair, and now this, it's just stirring up some memories for me…"

Jay gives her a curious look, wondering what they could be and trying to figure out how to make it better for her.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not now… when this is all over. We have to focus on and be there for Kim right now, she's the priority!"

"Ok, but later tonight we're going to discuss this… promise me?"

She smiles at him, knowing he won't give up, and is incredibly grateful for that.

"Yes Jay, but you're buying tonight." She jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

"It's a deal." He manages to get out as uniforms and paramedics storm into the church with them.

They take another few minutes to assist, watching the paramedics pronounce Dennis as a DOA; then head back out to Jay's truck to get back and fill the team in. Both are sad that they're returning to Kim with another dead end, but Jay's thoughts are still mostly all focused on his partner.

Hailey is staring out the window of his truck, obviously still in her own head as well. The ride is silent, Jay knowing not to push her… if she says they'll talk later, they will. He glances over at her every time he stops the car, wanting to assure himself that she's as okay as can be, but she hardly notices for once. He just wants to be there for her always, and more than that if he's being honest, he doesn't care what it will cost him anymore. He is not sure when the right time will be, but he is definitely starting to think it's time to tell her how he truly feels about her. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold it in, even though she's still seeing Adam… they're not right for each other, he knows it, and he knows deep down her and Adam probably know it too. For now though, he just wants to make sure to get her back into a good place.

When they arrive back at the precinct, he quickly runs over to be next to her as they're walking in and squeezes her arm comfortingly again.

"Hey, if this all becomes too much right now, take a break okay… we'll all understand, even Kim."

She gives him one of her smiles and simply says, "Thanks Jay, but I'll be fine…" as she gives his wrist a squeeze of gratitude.

The moment is over before it started because soon enough they're walking with Voight, filling him in.

"I think he was bleeding out for a while…" Jay goes on.

"Looks like Dennis might have known the shooter; he was in the back making tea when it happened…" Hailey continues.

All three of them walking into the bullpen to face Kim… she's all that matters right now. She deserves answers, and they intend to get them for her.

* * *

It's not until the next night that Hailey is answering her front door, expecting Jay with beer in hand. He had still wanted to talk last night, but it had been super late by the time the team decided to call it a night, and Hailey promised him they'd talk the second this case was done. True to both of their words, even though it's already 11pm, they finally both have a moment to breathe and reflect on the interesting turn of events. They crack two beers open and head over to Hailey's couch to plop.

After taking a long sip, Hailey asks, "I can't believe it. You think Price really did it? He destroyed everything he built."

Jay takes a sip as well, contemplating. "I don't know… I don't know if anyone but Voight will ever know. Like so many other things. I do think Price has a good reason for taking the fall if it wasn't him though."

"Yea, he's probably protecting someone he loves… maybe we can all relate…" she says quietly and they share one of their looks and nods.

"I feel so bad for Kim though. At least Kevin… and Adam… have really tried to be there for her." She continues on.

"Yea…" he says simply, giving her a reflective look. She knows he must be trying to decipher how she feels about Adam spending so much time with his grieving ex, but he doesn't ask. Which is odd, but she's appreciative for it because she doesn't want to answer that or have another discussion about Adam. Not because she is jealous of him spending time with Kim, but because it's the exact _opposite_. And she has no desire to share with Jay on why she's so nonchalant on that subject. No, the conversation they're about to have is going to be revealing enough…

"Well, anyway, as much as I love Kim, I'm here for your well-being tonight… don't think you're getting out of this, you promised!" he says to her smiling softly.

"Yea, yea…" she grins back and gives him one of her eyerolls.

"So, what got you so spooked with Dennis yesterday?" he finally asks.

She takes a long time to answer. She slowly sips on her beer, trying to figure out the best way to explain without opening herself _all_ the way. The honest answer is seeing Kim completely emotional leaning over Blair shot and bleeding took her back to the day that was her with Jay. Then, the next day finding Dennis bleeding out and being the one over him trying to help, _really_ brought her back to that horrible day Jay was shot and she feared was bleeding out himself.

"It's just… um… seeing Kim with Blair dying in front of her, then yesterday with Dennis bleeding out, it kind of took me back to the day you were shot…" she says hesitantly.

Jay gives her a curious look, as if shocked that this is the first time he's hearing this.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, that day, I thought you were dead, Jay…" she takes another quick sip of beer, attempting to not get too chocked up. Her voice still cracks a bit as she continues on. "Before I pulled back your vest, all I saw was blood _everywhere_ , and I thought, 'this is it, he's a goner, _I've_ lost him'"… she quickly catches her slip and recovers, "… _We've_ lost him… and the feeling was so horrible. So all-consuming. I don't know what I would have done had your vest not protected you…" she bites her lip tightly, trying her hardest not to cry.

Jay can tell how emotional and upset she still is over that day, so many months ago now. He places his hand on her knee soothingly, trying to calm her. "Why didn't you ever tell me, Hailey? I had no idea it affected you so much." He honestly says.

"Yea, well…" she shrugs and takes another big gulp. "It's okay… I ended up getting obnoxiously drunk that night and acted foolishly… We all find ways to conquer the demons…"

He doesn't ask, but it clicks with him… he recalls seeing her walk off with Ruzek from the ambo that night, and he's completely shocked. He sincerely had no idea about any of this and he hates himself for it. He can't help but wonder how differently things could have gone for them all had he not been so foolishly reckless.

"Hailey, this is long overdue, but I am so, _so_ sorry!"

"For what?" she's generally wondering.

"For that night, for that week, for pushing you away… It's just, everything with my dad pushed me over again… and I honestly thought that there was no one left who cared if something happened to me. I was an idiot. Judging from the reaction from Voight, and you, and Will, I couldn't have been more wrong… I'm so sorry I even put you in that position…"

"It's okay, Jay, I get it. I can't imagine if something like that happened to one of my parents… but don't dare question again if anyone cares about you… just the thought of losing you Jay…" she bites her lip again and turns her head away so she doesn't break down.

"Hey, hey…" he makes her face him again to show how sincere he is, hoping to ease her fears after all these months. "I'm an idiot ok, but it won't happen again… I promise you won't lose me, ok? I'll never go off rogue and recklessly again…" he contemplates if he should say he's next words, but thinks fuck it, "you're the reason I'll be careful, ok? I'll always make it back to you…"

He wipes the tear that runs down her cheek and they stare at each other, raw and vulnerably, for a long while. This time possibly sharing one of their longest looks ever, the tension in the room is palpable. Hailey breaks the mood first.

"Well, I think I've run up me tear quota for this month, don't you? Pretty soon you're going to have to start charging me for therapy sessions… oh, the irony!" she smiles at him before she looks down and starts self-consciously playing with her beer bottle.

Jay laughs, knowing the moment is over. "I'd never! You are, however, going to have to restock your bourbon… I may have finished the last of it last week and forgot to mention it."

" _Forgot_? Right!.. Jerk!" she teasingly pushes his arm and he smirks at her.

Jay grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Hailey quietly releases a sigh of relief. She has _no_ idea where things are going from here, but she's glad he knows her enough to drop the subject tonight. As he stares intently at the screen, she casually looks over at him, knowing that things are about to become really complicated and interesting the next few weeks. The breaking point is inevitable. Thank God for alcohol.


	9. Chapter 9

_[A/N: Hailey & Jay time after the events of 6x20 and the UPZEK BREAKUP! I don't mean to sound insensitive, but we all knew it was coming... I'm surprised they made it last as long as it did, to be honest. Just another one of my takes on what could have possibly happened between Upstead once the episode ended. Can't wait to see what the final two have in store, as I've heard that's where things get more "complicated" between Halstead & Upton... as I've said, I think there will be a discussion about their feelings before the season ends, setting them up for season 7, Hopefully! :) Thank you so much again for continuing to follow along with this, it means a lot to me!] _

* * *

Jay watched as Adam returned to the bullpen while he was wrapping up at his desk for the night. Just looking at the expression Adam had on his face, _he knew_. Without even a second of thought, he quickly made his way down the steps and out the main exit, hoping to catch Hailey in the back before she left. He made it into the parking garage right as she was done putting her gym bag in the back seat of her car and slamming the door. He could tell that she instantly sensed him approaching because she turned to look directly at him and gave him a sad half-smile. He has no intention of pressing her or pushing her if she isn't ready to discuss what happened.

"Hey…" she token-ly said to him.

He gave her a concerned look and simply said, "You alright?"

"Yea…"

"You want to talk about it tonight?"

She seemed to ponder it in her head for a bit, but then nodded. "Yea… come by in an hour? I'll order us a pizza."

"Sounds good… I'll bring the bottle of bourbon I owe you!" he smiles at her trying to lighten the mood, earning him a soft laugh as her response.

"See ya." She says as she gets into her car, looking like she wants to be as far away from there as possible. He totally gets it.

Once he's watched her drive off, he grabs his keys out of his pocket and heads over to his truck. He lets out a long sigh as he turns the ignition. He figures he better get a move on his errands and in getting to the liquor store.

He starts making his way everywhere in a haze. He had sensed the tension between Hailey and Adam since the other day when she broke up his op and Adam wouldn't drop it. Since then, something in Jay's gut just told him this was the end for their relationship. Part of him felt guilty over the amount of happiness it caused him, but the other part felt so bad for both of his friends… he can't stand to see Hailey hurt, and he knows Adam doesn't deserve to be either. He was definitely in an emotional conundrum.

Before he knows it, the hour has almost passed as he finds himself parked outside of Hailey's house. While every fiber in his being wants to walk in and tell Hailey he's happy about the breakup because she never belonged with Adam, she belongs with him, he knows now is just not the right time. Not to mention she'd probably look at him like he was crazy. No, he has to give it _some_ time… not much because he's felt like he's waited enough, but he's not a complete douche bag. He owes that much to Adam, despite the fact he knows the writing was on the wall for them for months. He's sure even though Adam thinks he was devoted to his relationship with Hailey, that Kim would always be in the back of his mind no matter who he's with… and he can only hope that he was on the back of Hailey's. Shit, they needed to get out more; things should never have gotten this complicated between them all! He tries to push this all out of his head as he turns his car off, his top priority right now is being there for Hailey in whatever way she lets him. He lets out another heavy sigh as he makes his way up to her door. When she opens it, he plasters his smile on and shows off the bottle of bourbon, hoping to be the rock for both of them right now.

* * *

Hailey was eternally grateful that for the first hour or so since Jay had come over, he just let them sit quietly enjoying each other's company while eating the pizza and having a beer. He didn't pry or even make an attempt to force her into talking about how she was feeling. Just sitting here like this with him, with someone who gets it, gets _her_ , eases her mind of these past months for a few brief moments. She wishes a sentiment like this could last forever.

She knows she's going to need to talk eventually, but before doing so, she's been trying to process all of her thoughts. She knows the conversation with Adam was the right call, still, it sucks. She could tell he was disappointed, but it's better for them, _all_ of them, to break the illusion before it went even further down the rabbit hole. Platt was right, and just reinforced what she's always known… at the end of the day, she would never care about Adam enough in THAT way to risk her career or their lives over. While dating and working together is complicated, her ' _but it's more than that'_ was always the real reason the two couldn't click enough to make it work. She knows Adam knows that, and thought of Kim… just like she thought of Jay when Platt was giving her the advice. She's not quite ready for admitting to wanting to go down that road yet, she owes it to everyone for the dust to settle some; but like she already told him, she knows Jay's the only one she'd follow blind- Intelligence be damned if it came down to it. Her and Jay are already so in sync though, (and even when they're not they rectify it better than most,) that she knows they could combine work and a relationship if they wanted to. But that's certainly a conversation for another time, if Jay even thought of her in that way… a girl could hope though!

"You should put some of that anti-septic lotion I bought on your thigh soon, it works wonders on cuts. Back in the army we always kept one on us while on the frontline just in case." Jay said now that they had finished eating, drifting her from her thoughts.

She smiled at him knowing he was being his over-protective self. "Thanks, I will soon, I promise. Don't worry, it's…"

"…Fine… Yea, I know." he finishes for her smirking.

She chuckles slightly and snuggles further into the couch, clutching a pillow to her chest. After a minute she senses him studying her and knows she should spill since he seems so thoroughly concerned about her.

"So, it was actually mutual, in case you were wondering."

He raises his brow at her, but doesn't say anything, waiting for her to get whatever she wants off her chest.

"I thought it would be harder, but he understood. Platt had come to check on me in the locker room before I left today and gave me some advice that I pretty much already knew; I had just been postponing the inevitable. She said that if I thought Adam was the one that I should make it work, but with the needle we were threading, one of us would have to leave Intelligence… and if we weren't willing for the sacrifice, then it's not worth risking our careers over. And as much as I do care about Adam, I knew it wasn't enough for that sacrifice… and I think he finally realized it too. It started out as fun and did develop into more, but not enough to keep us on the same page. Maybe you were right about nothing good coming from workplace romances, at least with ours…"

Hailey smiles sadly and shrugs, watching as Jay seems to tense up a little. He seems to try his best to leave a blank expression on his face as he contemplates his response. She can't help but feel hopeful that it means something.

"Yea, makes sense. Relationships at work can definitely be complicated. Do you think if you cared deeper about Adam… or someone else… it'd be worth the sacrifice though?"

It's now her turn to study Jay and analyze what he could really be feeling. She thinks she knows. The elephant's been in the room with them for months now, but both of their trepidations are justified. She tries to push down the nervous, but excited feeling before she attempts another concealed response.

"I think… there's more to it than that, yea. I think if I was really with 'the one' it wouldn't be a sacrifice… I think there wouldn't even be a predicament to sacrifice for…. And clearly, that person wasn't Adam. But maybe there will be someone, one day… and all of this will feel like a distant memory…"

She stares at him as he nods slowly. "Yea, that's a nice thought… do you think you know when that time might be?" he cautiously and quietly utters, staring back into her eyes.

She smiles back while biting her lip. "Not yet, but… hopefully soon…"

They continue their agonizingly long stare, understanding without having to say anything more. Once the timing is right, they're inevitable. Finally Hailey can't take it anymore and looks away awkwardly.

"I should probably go put some of that lotion on, I feel the advil starting to wear off." She says as she starts to stand up and head towards her bathroom.

"Yea, you should… I'm gonna turn the Stanley Cup on."

"Okay!" she yells back from the bathroom. She stares into the mirror and looks back into a face that did not foresee the events of today at _all_ … but she exhales deeply, for the first time in months feeling an enormous weight lifted off her shoulders. She's ready for whatever the future has in store, and instead of fearing it for a change, she's positively excited. She's going to owe Platt a drink once this is all over. She smiles at her reflection before grabbing the medicine and applying it, ready for a guilt-free hangout with her eventual _one_ …


	10. Chapter 10

_[A/N: I debated on whether to update this, or write another story in regards to the Upstead scene shown in the finale promo. As you can tell, this won out. Just some quick Hailey & crew thoughts on the results of 6x21. Sorry it's a short one, but wanted to keep it simple for whatever the finale has in store for our Upstead-ness ;p] _

* * *

The members of the Intelligence Unit are all sitting around a bar table together, attempting to nurse all their sorrows and fears and find some answers at the bottom of their beer bottles. Before Brennan's press conference aired it had been an extremely stressful day, after it, well it just catapulted everyone's stress. All of this considering Antonio and Adam haven't told any of the team members of _their_ predicament yet. Things are bad enough, no reason to bring the mood down even more without knowing what the future holds. Hailey is deep in her own thoughts, as is Jay, as they all kind of stare off into space. Kim is the first one to speak in a while.

"Guys, we actually have to face this reality soon. Kelton is about to be elected mayor, like _tomorrow_ … what are we gonna do if he breaks up Intelligence?"

"I can't go back to Patrol now, I just can't! Not after seeing how much good this unit has done for this City!" Kevin exclaims.

"You? I don't even know if I can do Patrol! We should have listened to Voight and got our Detective's badges last year!" Adam seconds.

"Let's not get hasty; I'm sure Voight has a plan. That man _always_ has a plan!" Jay tries to say reassuringly.

"I don't know. I think this time he may have used up all of his tricks for once… Brennan lying for him really puts a wrench in anything we had on Kelton." Antonio says as him and Adam share a look.

The only one who hasn't commented yet is Hailey. While she loves this unit with all of her heart, she can't help but think about what it being split up would do for her personally. If they're all parted, that means Jay will no longer be her partner, and romantically that alleviates a lot of her inner turmoil about how she really feels about him. She'd probably finally get the courage to fully admit to him (and herself) that she wants to be with him. However, on the other side of things, it would be just that- he'd no longer be her partner! And while she definitely may love the man, she surely loves having him as her partner. Working with him is one of the many things that's made Intelligence become her best job ever. She's trying to wrap her head around the amount of emotional conundrums she's had this past year. She wishes she could take a _long_ mental vacation.

"Maybe we're overreacting? Maybe Kelton won't split us up; maybe he'll just relocate us to another district together?" Hailey finally says.

"Even so, he's not going to let Voight anywhere near us. As demanding and intimidating he can be some times, he's still the best boss I've ever had… AND he gets the job done. I think we'd all take a bullet for him!" Kim says dejectedly and they all look at her solemnly in agreement.

Adam uses that as an opportunity to pound his beer in one long gulp and slam the empty bottle on the table along with his hands.

"Well, I need another! Who else wants one?" He asks looking around.

"Yea!" Kim and Kevin both say with obvious looks on their face.

"I'll come with you to the bar." Antonio says.

Jay looks at Hailey, silently questioning if she wants another too. She shakes her head at him.

"Count us out. We still have reports to write up." Jay says as he stands up with Hailey and they gather their things to leave.

"Night guys!" Hailey says softly with a sad smile.

Jay and her make their way out to his truck. They don't really have any work leftover at the district, but she's glad Jay understood that she had to get out of there. It was all much too depressing seeing their friends totally battered. Whatever's going to happen, there's not a whole lot they can do about it, except hope for the best. Otherwise, it's out of their (and apparently Voight's) hands. They take the time to just sit in Jay's truck for a while and try to decompress. She wishes she could get into his head right now, wondering if he's having the same thoughts as she is.

"Y'know, Antonio may really be right… Voight might have shown all his hands already." Jay says softly.

"Yea…" Hailey whispers back.

"Hailey…"

"Jay…"

They both say at the same time. Jay smiles at her. "You go."

"Jay whatever happens… I just… I want you to know, that you've been the best partner I've ever had. You'll always be…"

He turns his head in his seat to stare into her face, her eyes showing him such raw vulnerability. Maybe the most she's ever shown him, which says a lot over these past few months. He reaches out to grab her hand and softly rubs it with his thumb before speaking.

"Me too!.." he says so viscerally.

They both give each other a small nod in understanding without having to say anymore before Jay turns the key in the ignition to drive off. They _get it_ , they always did...


	11. Chapter 11

_[A/N: Well guys, we made it through Season 6, and while it didn't go as Upstead-well as a lot of us hoped- it was pretty EPIC! I think they're setup romantically for Season 7 quite nicely, provided the writers don't kibosh it again =p Anywho, without further ado, this chapter is for "Vanchi" who requested every major Upstead moment from the finale, and here it is- 6x22 Hailey & Jay time. Thanks so much for following along this story's journey with me, I am humbled and appreciative. You fellow Upstead peeps are AWESOME, never change! Can't wait to bring you more for next season, & hopefully some Summer stories along the way too. Thanks again and enjoy!] _

* * *

Hailey had such an adrenaline rush after pulling off a fake heist on a bunch of drug dealers. She was still feeding off the high and grateful that she could take a minute to joke around with Jay. There certainly haven't been a lot of lighthearted moments between them, _any_ of them, in a while. It was a nice reprieve for once.

"That was a $500,000 rip… that we, can't tell anyone about…" she says as she smiles at him. He chuckles with her slightly.

"And if this whole thing doesn't work we're gonna go back to writing traffic tickets."

"Would your sergeant at Organized Crime take you back?"

"Ha no, he holds grudges, he was so pissed when I left… Besides, I'm going where you go!"

That certainly stops her in her movements for a second. Did he really just say that to her so nonchalantly? She's a little taken aback, that's a pretty monumental comment for Jay Halstead to make. She knows she's meant a lot to him over the past couple years as a partner, friend… and maybe even a little something _more_ when she's in the right state of mind to acknowledge it; but never has he uttered it aloud. Maybe she's over thinking it, but it reminds her of when she told him she'd follow him blind, and she's well aware of the double-meaning it had coming from her mouth. Interesting…

"Yea?" she tries to say to him casually, a hint of shocked awe coming out.

"Yea, it's hard to find a good partner." He responds carefully.

She smirks, recognizing the well-calculated response all too well. "That sounds good to me!.. but we both know Kelton won't let any of us stay together…"

They glance at each other sadly while she says it. The moment is over before it even started though because it's then they hear the rest of their crew barreling in.

"Hell of a load, Sarge." They hear Kevin say as they turn away from each other.

Hailey swears she saw disappointment come across Jay's face once he realized they were interrupted, officially ending this conversation for now. She doesn't have a whole lot of time to analyze it though because once they unload the product, she and Jay are supposed to meet Kim to listen in on Wilson's wire. It's probably just as well, they really don't have a lot of time to dwell on personal things at the moment. It seems it's never the right time these days. Maybe next year things will settle down for all of them.

* * *

Jay and Hailey are staked out in the surveillance van, all of them hopeful they're finally gonna get their man, and destroy Kelton's reputation along with it. Jay's glad Voight paired them in the van today, if things somehow don't work out and Kelton rips the team apart, he intends to soak up every work (& non-work) moment with Hailey that he can get. He meant it when he told her he was going where she was going if allowed. He doesn't care if they get shipped to the border of Missouri surrounded by farmland and their only police action is finding a cow-tipper. He has no intent to lose Hailey, professionally or personally, and he knows he has to fess up to it soon before it's too late. As cliché as it is, he recognizes that time is flying and he needs to make it valuable before it runs out completely.

They hear Kim and Adam announce that they're holding down their positions, so Jay responds as well. "Copy. Solid eye on the front."

Jay senses Hailey glance at him and can tell she's going to say something. "About before Jay, if we really don't get to be partners anymore, I…"

She gets cut off as they start hearing a machine gun going off _really_ close to where their van is. They're just about to get up, Hailey grabbing her gun as they hear Voight yell, "Move, Go!" Before they can get any further though, the machine gun starts firing at _them_ , the bullets easily piercing through the van.

Jay reacts instantly and jumps on top of Hailey, grabbing her down with him to the floor. Somewhere in the distance he can recognize his own voice telling her to "Get down," but it sounds so far away because his thoughts right now are literally only about Hailey's safety and protecting her any way he can.

He remembers the hanging Kevlar vests and as he does his best to shield Hailey with his arms, he reaches up quickly to grab one without letting her go, and swiftly wrapping it around her. Once he's sure the majority of her back is covered, he wraps her head tight into his, praying he's blocking all of her vital parts in some form. He doesn't care what happens to him, as long as she's okay. He feels the van shake as the bullets continue to pierce through, and the noise is so loud it almost brings him back to his army days. Back then there was no one as valuable as Hailey to him to protect however. Finally, thankfully, as quickly as it started, the shooting ended. He leans back a little to look into Hailey's face. As shaken up as she looks, it seems like she's alright otherwise fortunately.

"You okay?" he quietly asks while still holding onto her.

"Yea, you?" she says, visibly shook as she stares back into his eyes.

"Yea…" he leans his forehead onto hers and pulls her in tighter if only just to relish in the moment that they both survived. Reflecting on it later, it will probably mean more than just that to both of them, but for now this is enough. Voight's voice breaks them through their momentary haze.

"Jay, Hailey, you good!?"

"We're good, we're good!" he yells back to his boss as he eases his hold on Hailey slightly, not ready to let her go fully just yet. He hears Voight tell them not to exit until it's all clear and figures that gives them some time for their nerves to settle. His heart is beating out of his chest solely for the thought that he could have lost her, here, right now, thanks to some asshole banger. Thanks to Kelton, whose threatening him losing her figuratively even more. Jay's jaw clenches in anger and Hailey notices the change in his mood instantly. She frees her arm from his embrace to grab his hand comfortingly.

"Hey, it's ok. We're ok… I'm ok!... thanks to you, Jay! I don't know what I'd do without you…" she says softly but quickly continues, "…always protecting me!"

He grips her hand harder as she says it and stares into her eyes seeing the emotion behind them. "Let's just hope it never comes to that!" It's the only response he manages to get in as Voight rips open the door just then to check on his detectives. They both haven't seen him looked so relieved in a long time. Jay begrudgingly pulls away from Hailey to help them both sit up. Kevin and Kim come running over to check on them as well and Jay does his best to put all his emotions aside. He turns to give Hailey one last glance and small smile before he exits the van to assist Antonio and Adam.

* * *

Hailey is sitting on top of her desk while some of them depressingly listen to the campaign news. It's been a hell of a day already and she's nervous to see what can possibly happen next. She's already gone through so many emotions and the sun hasn't even set yet. The one ray of light today had been Jay nonetheless, like it usually is. She still can't believe how he tried to save her without even a thought to his own safety. She expects nothing less from Jay Halstead, but the thought of potentially losing him again (especially if it was while protecting her) still sends shivers down her spine. If it wasn't for his quick thinking and reaction, they'd both probably be dead, and she's eternally grateful it didn't come to that. Speak of the devil, she sees him walking up the steps towards them and right past, looking visibly stunned and not even glancing her way. She can only imagine what's happened now as she hops down and follows him to the break room.

She finds him leaning over the sink clearly upset and her heart breaks a little seeing him like that. "Hey. What's going on?" she says, cutting right to the point.

"I have NO idea… Voight just left and he said something about … about me running the unit…" his voice drips with emotion as he responds. " _We lost_ …" he looks completely deflated as he says that last part and her heart breaks even more.

"If Kelton is who he is, his time for a reckoning is coming."

Jay scoffs, "Not in time for this unit… for us…"

There's only been a few instances he's looked at her this vulnerably while saying something, usually after a really bad case, or the time she confessed to him about Adam. She can't help but feel his _'for us'_ is the most loaded comment he's ever made to her. It's in his eyes that he means more than partners, but she's too self conscious, and there's _soo_ much going on right now, so she does the one thing she does best, she tries to deflect…

"We've only been partners a couple years, you'll forget about me just fine…" she hears herself say out loud, while her heart screams _please don't_ , and she's sure her eyes are revealing just that.

" _Hailey…_ " she watches him choke out her name and shake his head, and realizes she was wrong before, _this_ is now the most loaded thing he's ever said to her and she thinks she's going to break. He looks like he's about to say something more, but hesitates. She _knows_ though, she can see it in his eyes. Maybe she's always _known_. She's just run from it like a bat out of hell and she still doesn't know how to stop. He deserves more than she can give him right now. He deserves more than her. So she tries to deflect again. She kicks lightly into his foot, leaning in like a friend would when they're trying to playfully calm someone.

"We'll be alright…" she manages to stifle out, revealing that she's neither reassured herself, no matter how strong she's attempting to look. The sadness in both of their eyes is evident and it's the first time they're unsure of where things go from here for them. Jay swallows, looking like he wants to say something again, but even if he worked up the nerve; they're interrupted again before he can. They hear Platt talking and instantly know something else is up and make their way to the bullpen. Little did they know it was all about to become even worse…

* * *

It's a little after dawn when Jay is finally about to make his way to his bedroom to catch some semblance of sleep. It was a day from complete hell and once they all left the precinct they decided to part ways and just sulk in it on their own. And by 'they,' just Hailey, Kim, Kevin, and himself… With Ruzek in jail, Antonio's cryptic departure once Adam got arrested, and Voight off God knows where, they were literally all who was left. Even Hailey and him decided to just go their separate ways once word came out that Kelton had in fact been elected after all they did in spite of it. Then _the_ call came over the radio a little after 10… Kelton was dead and their whole world changed yet again. They all had their suspicions, but no one dared utter them. It wasn't until 5:30 in the morning that Jay finally left the crime scene. The few of Intelligence left all went their separate ways again in hopes of some shut eye.

When Jay finally got back home, he chugged two beers instantly. He hadn't had much time to reflect at all that in this one day alone he almost lost Hailey, almost died himself, had a scary heart-to-heart with Voight that just brought him more turmoil, watched his coworker and friend go to jail, nearly vomited at the thought of that smug asshole becoming mayor, nearly vomited again after seeing his lifeless body- leaving more answers in its wake, and _almost_ told Hailey how he really felt about her. He guesses now that he has time to think about it, he kind of did, even if not vocally. If jumping on top of her during a hail of bullets wasn't enough of a giveaway, he could tell she knew in the break room. He just couldn't get the words out though. Now he can't help but wonder if she would have reacted differently if he could. What he _wanted_ to do was grab her and tell her that even in a million lifetimes he could never forget her. That she is and always was more than just a partner to him despite his best efforts to fight it. That she's his best friend and that he can't picture his life without her. That he's so hopelessly in love with her he doesn't even know how to speak anymore. That's what he should have done, but it was neither the time nor the place. He knows she must have got it though, _she always gets him_. It's then he hears a soft knock on his door and while a normal person would wonder who it could be at this hour, after this day, he knows it's going to be her before he even looks.

He pulls his front door back and takes a moment to just stare at her, so sad and beautiful. She gives him one of her cheerless frowns.

"I just didn't want to be alone…" is all she says, so simply and nonchalantly.

"Come in." he tells her as he nods back, he gets it. He always has. They _get each other_. He's never had that with anyone else in his life and it delights and scares the life out of him. He closes the door softly behind him and watches her back as she makes her way to his couch. Both have no idea where things will go from here, but it doesn't take a detective to figure out their relationship already has and will change drastically with the upcoming months. They'll just have to be patient and wait and see…

* * *

 **To Be Continued... _Season 7, baby_**


	12. Chapter 12

**And without further ado, this story has returned. Season 7 coming at ya...**

* * *

Jay had been driving around for hours after Voight's, "If you don't trust me Jay, the way I do business concerns you? Then get the hell out!" He was shook up for sure, partly because he felt bad that he had lost the trust of his boss, but also because Voight hadn't been this angry with him in years. Jay had wanted to be fully on his side, but there just seemed to be too many coincidences that pointed to his involvement. Hailey had tried to keep him grounded and objective as best as she could, but boy was he still stubborn when he wanted to be. Out of the whole mess the past few days had brought, at least the one silver lining was just how much Hailey had stuck by his side, even if she didn't seem to fully agree at times. Her words in the car outside of Brennan's haunt him now, "Voight told you to stand-down and that he's gonna handle it." Naturally, he didn't listen to her, but of course she followed him into Brennan's anyway. He's still not sure what he's done to deserve her unwavering support, but he is forever grateful for it.

Another few minutes of these thoughts go by when he finds himself unconsciously driving down Hailey's street. It's like she's a beacon to his lost ship in the night trying to find his way home. She had been texting him a bunch the past couple hours asking if he was okay, but he had just wanted to clear his head before responding. Now that he's had his little bit of alone time to sulk, the only other person he wants to be around right now is her. He parks his car outside of her house and hopes he didn't worry or piss her off too much as he makes his trek up her path. Before he even gets a chance to ring the bell, she's pulling back the door, as if she had been waiting for him.

"Jesus Jay, where have you been? I've been trying to get in touch with you for a while. You alright?"

She doesn't dare mention being worried sick about him, but the evidence is written all over her face and her actions. He smiles internally to himself, realizing again how much she cares about him, even if it's not something they're ready to vocalize.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just driving around. Wanted to clear my head, didn't mean to worry you."

He walks inside her place and they instantly walk in-sync into the kitchen, Jay helping himself to a glass on her counter and grabbing them the tequila to share. Hailey doesn't even bat an eye at the comfortableness of it all; they just take a seat on her stools and quietly start to sip their drinks.

"So he came down on you pretty hard, wanna talk about it?" Hailey finally breaks the silence to question the elephant in the room.

"No…" he smiles at her, giving her a response he's used plenty of times before he cracks, and she smiles back. "I just hope this doesn't ruin the relationship I've built with him. It took me a lot of years to gain his respect and trust; I'd rather not go back to the days before it."

"That's not going to happen. Voight knows how good at the job you are, that you always mean well… despite your occasional stupidity." She teases him, trying to lighten his mood.

"I don't know, Hailey, you didn't see him. He was pretty angry. He made a promise to Brennan, one of their old school cop rituals, and I broke it on him. You know how much loyalty means to him."

"I do. And that's why I know he's not gonna give up on you over this." She carefully reaches her hand over to place atop his quickly; a gesture to reassure him, but brief enough before they both stop to think about the potential meaning of a touch.

"Maybe. We'll see how it goes I guess."

He takes another big gulp of his tequila, then looks down into his glass, contemplative. He wants to thank Hailey for sticking by him, but is unsure how deep to address it. The two of them have been walking on egg shells a bit since all the emotions of last week. Luckily the Kelton case had been a great distraction for them, but both realize the heavy implications there were between them when they feared the unit would be split up. Jay almost came close to telling her how much she meant to him then, and Hailey knew it. The time for them to have _that talk_ is definitely approaching, but they're not there yet.

"With all this blowing up, I didn't get a chance to thank you for having my back throughout this. I felt your eyerolls various times throughout the day, but you never faltered to back me. It means a lot."

He smiles at her and she smiles back, sharing one of _those_ countless looks.

"Anytime partner… how'd it go? 'I go where you go,' right!? It works both ways!" she replies with the upmost confidence.

"Well, in that case, I'm about to go use your bathroom, so feel free to join!" he jokes as he stands from the stool, knowing she'd want any tension broken before they get awkward again.

"Oh, God, ok… well, I'm gonna let you handle that one on your own!" she cracks up as he makes his way over to it.

When he's washing his hands he stops to look up in the mirror and stare back at his reflection. He can already see the worry starting to leave his face. No matter what, Hailey can always make him feel better. He smiles to himself as he dries his hands on the towel, exiting to find that Hailey has brought their drinks to the living room and is now sitting on the couch. He follows her over and sits down comfortably next to her as they enjoy the reair of the Hawks game they missed.

After a while, Jay finally speaks again. "You mind if I crash on the couch tonight? I don't feel like going back to my empty apartment."

"Only if you promise not to snore and wake the whole house like last time!" She jokes.

"Pfft, I think you mean your own snoring woke you up. I never knew such a lean girl could sound like a bear…" he chuckles to himself as she lifts her cushion to hit him.

"Whatever, Halstead."

"What? I didn't say it wasn't hot, I kind of like it actually."

"Keep it up and Voight's not the only doghouse you'll be in!" she jokingly warns as they crack up and continue to watch the game.

Yes, out of the Hell this week brought, Jay now recognizes his most prevalent emotion – Gratefulness.

* * *

A few weeks had gone by since Jay's fight with Voight, and boy did a lot happen in that time frame. Voight had found some secret way to clear Adam's name completely, he wouldn't even have to face a trial, good news all around there for sure. The team got informed that Antonio had decided to up and leave for Puerto Rico to be with his sister after he finished his undisclosed rehab. Before they had time to even process that, they were thrown a new young officer in the unit, Vanessa Rojas that it was obvious they'd have to groom- that's how green she was. This last part is what affected Hailey and Jay so much. Hailey didn't mind helping out a newbie, but Voight had purposely split her and Jay up in order to do so. Needless to say, she did not react well. She came for her boss within seconds after he announced it.

After having a civil discussion, she understood his reasoning behind it, but that still didn't mean she liked it. Just because she had told Jay they had only been partners a few years and he could probably forget her just fine, didn't mean she actually wanted it to come to fruition. It was completely different circumstances sure, but as she told Voight, Jay and her work. Of course, she also recognized internally that they worked in more ways than one, but she tried not to let her emotions cloud her judgment over this decision. Throughout the couple of days this case continued, she and Jay found a little time to talk in the car while on the job about this. They both agreed they just had to put their heads down and keep playing it out in order to not piss off Voight more than he's already been. They were hoping it was just a temporary split anyway; so at the end of the case when Hailey was giving the opportunity to make or break Vanessa's career in Intelligence, she really thought long and hard. On the one hand, giving Voight a "No-go" on her meant that she and Jay would instantly be partnered back, but on the other hand, Vanessa seemed like a nice kid who had potential to be good police. In the end, Hailey's selflessness won out.

In fact, it won out so much so that she offered Vanessa to stay with her when she found out the girl no longer had a place to live. Talk about going from 0-100. It all happened so fast, she didn't even get a chance to talk it over with Jay… which is a strange thought to have because technically they're just partners and friends, so it shouldn't be his business. Still, she felt like she owed him an explanation. When he had texted her earlier that he was going to come over with a pizza, she quickly replied that she'd meet him at his place later in the night instead. It was now hours later, after she got Vanessa all settled in her guest room and certain the girl knocked out, that she finally headed over to Jay's. She hadn't felt this nervous about seeing him since after his almost-confession in the break room.

He let her in instantly with a big smile on his face. "Man, when you said 'later' you really meant late! I was starving, I had to eat a few slices already, but I'll gladly join you for more. Everything ok?" He asks her as they make their way over to his tiny living room, a plate of warmed pizza and beer already waiting for her on his coffee table.

"Yeah, everything's fine…" she hesitantly says, "I do have something to tell you though."

"Did you give Vanessa the boot? It's okay if you did, we would all understand. She seems like she'll be good one day, but will definitely have a lot to learn. Plus, I'd get my partner back."

"Yeah, about that… I actually approved her to Voight."

"Oh? Well, that's great too." He says kind of surprised on why she's being all hesitant about it.

"So the thing is, apparently the apartment she lived in was her undercover one. Once that Op was complete, they pulled it from her without giving her a chance to find something else…"

"Wow, that really sucks. Gotta love the State's humanity."

"Yeah, I felt really bad when she told me. I mean, we've all been there right? Our whole life is the job, no time for anything else, fresh out of the academy and wondering if you'll sink or swim…"

Jay nods at her wondering where she's going with this, but patiently waiting for her to continue.

"So I told her she could move in with me until she found a place…" she exhales a breath she'd been holding now that she's finally got it out.

Jay's eyes go a little wide, but he does his best not to react too much. "Oh, wow, that's a big move. Very nice of you, I actually expect nothing less." He says while smiling at her.

"Yea? You don't think it's a bad idea?"

"Well, I mean, it's definitely a lot to let someone you hardly know move in with you, but we do it in college and stuff all the time, right?"

"Yeah, right. And it's just until she gets settled, so it shouldn't be too bad."

"Right... I am going to miss my free couch access though." He smirks at her a little sadly as she looks down. "First she takes my partner at work, now she takes my…" he drifts off wondering how to carefully phrase his wording, "…our downtime after work."

"We'll still do our thing, no one will come between that!" And she really means it. Even during her whole ordeal with Adam, she never let it come in between or stop her time with Jay. A therapist would have a field day with that, but that's a different story of fortunately former times. "Maybe I'll learn how to sleep on a couch for once."

Jay cracks up at that and she joins him, just what they needed to cut the tension in the room.

"Nah, us Halstead's are gentlemen, if you're staying here, you're staying in my bed."

Hailey's eyes go wide as she looks at him and he quickly realizes how that sounds.

"…And I'LL take the couch, that's what I meant!" he says actually turning a little red.

Hailey does her best to ignore it, knowing they're treading into dangerous territory. "Wow Jay, I never thought I'd see the day you'd give up that old lump bag!"

Jay's bed was from his days before the army, straight from his parent's house. Hailey liked to tease him about it, but she knew how much the connection to it meant to him. Normally her teasing revolved around calling it as old as him.

"What can I say, I'm full of surprises!" he smiles at her, happy she maneuvered their way out of his slipup.

"Yea, well, apparently I am too. Who would have thought I would have ended this day with a roommate?"

"You have always been a bit of a mystery, Hailey Upton." He says while grinning at her.

She smirks back at him, remembering a similar conversation from years ago. "Good, I still intend to keep it that way…"

"Yea, yea… just eat your pizza before it gets cold again. I'm gonna go even out the lumps in the bed for you."

"I never said I was staying tonight!" she says to his back as he walks away down the hall.

"Sure, whatever you say!" he hollers back.

She rolls her eyes at him without him even being in the room and smiles to herself. She has no idea what these next few weeks will entail, but she's certain that no matter what, they'll face it together. And that's enough for her right now…

* * *

 _[A/N: I'm sorry I've been slightly MIA and just getting to this. I swear I didn't forget about it and had really wanted to update it already, but my work hours have been extra crazy & my off days pretty busy, so I had wanted to make sure to finish the last multi-chapter first. But, I've got the ball rolling again now, so I hope to keep it up like last season. I do also have another story in mind to start, so we'll see if I can juggle both, bear with me. Outside of that, our Upstead has returned to us and it's been glorious... hoping for some epicness in the Crossover this week! Thanks for reading, as always.] _


	13. Chapter 13

_[A/N: A quick little write-up for the Crossover. I know a lot of people were down with the "lack" of Upstead, but hopefully this fills the void briefly. I'm sure they'll be back to full power in the coming weeks. I actually did rewatch the PD portion, and I have to say, it's not so bad with Jay & Hailey. Writing is definitely a little off, but we get some nice moments with them, and them teamed up. Just remember folks, good things all in due time! ;) Thanks for all the reads and lovely responses as always!]_

* * *

Jay was heading over to Med to see Hailey with his head swirling with emotions. They were on the brink of an apocalypse and his team and the entire city needed his mind fully in the game to catch this bastard, but all Jay was thinking of at the moment was the potential that Hailey could be at risk. And the fact that he put her there if so. He wishes he could go back and instead of calling her to check on the grad student, that he met up with her and they did it together. Maybe then Hailey wouldn't be in this predicament, or at least it would be him instead of her behind the plastic jail of fear she was in.

When he got down to the Quarantine section, he saw her before she turned around to notice him and his heart physically ached. He just wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go… not only would that not be professional though, it would also put everyone else in greater risk. So he sighed and choked out her name, announcing his arrival.

"Hailey…"

"Hey! Did you finish interviewing the lab personnel yet?"

Leave it to Hailey to go straight into work-mode, seemingly not caring at all about her own well-being. Her selflessness being one of the main things he loved about her. He decided to just play along for now.

"Yea, no red flags, we're checking out alibis."

"What about people that had access to the labs? Vendors, security guards, cleaning staff?"

"The lab keeps an electronic visitor log-in, so we're just going through it."

There's commotion in the other quarantine pods behind Hailey and she turns around to look at it sadly.

"Awe man…" she drifts out.

Jay sees this as his moment to shift briefly. Now is definitely not the place to get into an emotional conversation, but he has to at least let her know slightly how he's feeling.

"Hailey…" he slowly starts, making her turn around to face him again once she hears the tone in his voice.

"I'm so sorry I got you into this."

"Jay, this isn't your fault. None of us could have known she was infected, or predicted that she'd collapse on me."

"Yea, but I should have been there… I'm your partner… no matter if Voight has us ride together or not. I should have gone with you and had your back."

"What good would that have done? Then maybe we'd both be in here and down more man-power to stop this psycho."

Jay looks at her sadly. "I just won't be able to forgive myself is something happens to you…" he drifts off before he starts to get too emotional and bows his head. Hailey stares back at him with a small, cheerless smile.

"How any times do I have to say it Jay, we'll be alright…"

She reaches her hand onto the plastic, waiting for him to look back up at her. When he finally does, he places his hand on hers… the plastic barrier a metaphor for so much in their relationship at this point. He knows she's not going to continue to let him sulk; again, selfless Hailey, always putting others before her. So he gives her a small smile back and tries to regain all his composure. She pulls her hand down first, not wanting to break down here of all places. She so wishes she could touch him for real, and not just because of where she's stuck right now. All in due time…

Jay finally speaks again, knowing the moment is over. "Alright, I'm gonna get back to the case, but the second I hear anything, I'll report back."

"Thanks, I appreciate it!" before he leaves her fully, she decides to comment one last thing to bring up his spirits. "Hey Jay… when this is all over, beers are on you!"

Jay can't help but have a real smile for the first time in a couple days. "You bet!"

With that he finally walks away from her, wishing he could stay. If the world was really going to come to an end, she's the only one he wants to spend its last moments with…

* * *

Hailey had been so excited when she got the clearance to go back to work. It wasn't even the fact that she found out she was infection-free, she was just glad to be able to get back out there with her team and try to stop this madman. Now, as she's sitting on the roof, waiting to take the shot, this time a role reversal of her fearing for Jay, she can't help but think back to hours before when she walked back into the District. Her team was all so happy to see she was okay, Atwater even leaning in for a hug, but it was the look on Jay's face that stood out. He didn't say anything, just stared at her, an immense gaze of relief and emotion on his face. She casually looked his way, not wanting to make a big deal of it, but just with that one quick look she felt the electric charge, as she always does.

In this instant, she has the fear in her heart that he did all day waiting for her results. He was in there with this nut, and she didn't even have a clear shot to take him out. As Jay had said to her before, if something happened to him, she didn't know what she'd do.

"Sarge, I don't have a shot." She called out to Voight.

Right after saying that, she watched in horror as the monster made Jay cut himself. With an open wound, she knows where this is going and that they have to act fast before Jay gets infected.

"Halstead just cut himself, Sarge, this is flipping! I do not have a shot!"

"Hailey, I need you to get set for a high-diversion shot at the ceiling no joy, repeat, no joy, on my order!"

"Copy!" she quickly replies.

She continues to watch in fear as Jay has now picked up a spray bottle with the bacteria and is aiming it as his cut arm. She holds her breath as Voight finally orders.

"Go now."

She aims and pulls the trigger, hitting the ceiling as her team charges in with the diversion. She watches on as Voight kills the doctor, but doesn't breathe easy again until Jay looks out the window and signals to her his thanks, also announcing that he's okay. She feels her hands shake as she stands up, finally knowing that it's all over, but more importantly that Jay is fine. What a day!

* * *

Hours later after she wraps up with Natalie making sure that Amanda will be alright and she's back in the care of her grandmother, she heads over to the bar that Jay and Will are at. The place is packed, but she notices them sitting at the bar instantly. Her heart does a little flutter seeing Jay look at ease laughing with his brother. She just can't wait to be near him.

She makes her way over and stands in between them, placing her hands lightly on both their shoulders to announce her arrival. Jay looks at her and his smile back tells her almost everything she needs to know.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the three idiots who almost all got taken out today!" Will says as all of them laugh genuinely together for what feels like a lifetime.

Jay pulls back the stool slightly for her as she makes her way over to sit next to him.

"I gotta say, my life was way less complicated before you Halsteads entered the picture." She jokes back as Jay flags the bartender over.

"Hey now, I thought I was your favorite partner?" Jay says feigning hurt.

"Oh, you are, but it doesn't mean we're not surrounded by a huge dose of bad luck half the time."

"It's almost as if someone wants to write drama into our lives…" Will agrees as they all have a good chuckle.

When the bartender comes over Jay orders a round of shots for them all. They're all just happy to be alive, and together, none more than Hailey and Jay. They share a secret smile right before they chug down the warm liquid, which doesn't go unnoticed by Will, but he refrains from commenting.

"So where's the rest of the crew? I feel like we owe all you guys a debt of gratitude for catching this son of a bitch." Will asks.

"Voight had no desire to come out, Platt just wanted to go home to Mouch, and Atwater took our new girl to go get rowdy with some younger patrol officers. I don't know what happened to Kim and Adam." Jay responds looking at Hailey.

"I think they both just decided to go home too…" she lets it hang a little as she says it and her and Jay share a knowing look.

"Oh, well, looks like we'll be drinking for all of them! Cheers!" Will says as another round of shots get delivered and they gladly throw them back.

They sit there for a while longer throwing them back, just enjoying being able to laugh and reminisce and put this all behind them. As the night goes on, Hailey finds that her and Jay are leaning into each other a little closer than normally… not awkwardly, or even overly noticeable to anyone other than them, but they're definitely a little more bold tonight than they normally are. Their quick glances to each other lingering a little longer too.

"Well Hailey, at least you didn't get taken out by a hangnail…" Will's drunken slurring interrupts them from their thoughts as they smile back at him.

This thought causing Jay to remember again just how close he could have come to losing her, and Hailey feeling the same way about him. He reaches his hand over to lightly put on her knee, wanting to feel that she's real, that's she's here with him. Her reaction one in the same as she places her hand atop his. The moment is quick, but it's a direction to the road they know they're eventually going down once they're finally ready, and they smile at each other assured that they'll be alright…


	14. Chapter 14

_[A/N: Some Upstead musings for episodes 7x06 and 7x07. Oh man episode 7's were golden. Can't wait to see where all this leads. Thanks so much for all of your kind words and continuing to follow along. Hope you enjoy the combo, just wanted to get it out since I was behind.]_

* * *

It was only a couple of weeks ago that a case became personal for Jay like it is for Hailey this week. Jay felt completely responsible for getting an innocent man killed due to accusing him of a crime he didn't commit. He can still hear Voight's words from their time in his office echo in his brain over and over…

 _"Jay, for once in your life, just let it be…"_

He can still feel the scotch burning down his throat as he took gulp after gulp, wishing to numb the pain, but knowing full well it wasn't going to really help. He left Voight's on a mission, knowing the only one who could even slightly bring him back, pegging away at some of his guilt would be Hailey. Since Vanessa was still living with her he shot her a text asking if it was okay to stop by, no longer wanting to just show up unannounced. Hailey was shocked that he reached out since he had acted like he wanted to carry this burden alone, much like in the past, but was thrilled when she realized he wanted to open up to her. She told him she would meet him at his place since Vanessa was in fact home, knowing he'd want to talk in private. Hailey arrived with his favorite whiskey and Chinese food in hand, and Jay remembered silently thanking the heavens again for putting someone like her in his life.

She waved the takeout bag in front of his face as she walked in. "I figured you didn't eat anything since lunch."

She was right, he had absolutely no appetite all day, but now that she mentioned it (plus the smell of the food), he felt his stomach grumble. "You figured right." He said as he gave her a sad smile.

They made their way over to his living room and quietly ate the food and sipped at their drinks. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; in fact, they were the only ones in the world they felt like they could be like this around. After a while, Hailey addressed the elephant in the room.

"I'd say I know you don't want to talk about it, but considering you contacted me, I'm assuming you do… of course, you would eventually anyway, cause that's just what we do."

"Ah yes, _the thing that works_ , right? Isn't that what you called it?" he teased her slightly, giving rise to her mildly blushing.

"Something like that, yeah…" she smirked back.

Jay sighs, knowing he has to get this weight off his chest. She patiently waits for him to get it out, like she always does.

"Hailey… I just wanted to get revenge for those kids so bad… I didn't even stop to think that Marcus may not be the one responsible. How dumb it was to blindly follow some stupid software program. I completely went against my instincts. I just figured if there was even a chance that Marcus was the killer, than throwing him into County would get the confession finally. I should have known he was telling the truth… he lost his life because of me…" his hand shakes as he brings the glass to his mouth to take a sip, then sadly looking down into it.

Hailey stares at him sympathetically. She wants to take his pain away, but she knows he's going to beat himself up over this for a while, despite what she says. "Jay, if you're to blame, then we all are. We all believed Crawford telling us that app was pretty full-proof. It's hard to go against a high Commander like that though."

"Maybe, but you're not the ones who brought him to County, that was on me and me alone… And now we just let them blame an innocent man to keep me safe." he sits back into the couch deflated.

It's Hailey's turn to sigh now. She rests her hand on his shoulder and makes him look at her. "There's a lot of grey and a lot of head turning we do in Intelligence… something I know goes against yours and my morals. But sometimes we have to take the bad to do all the good. And Jay, there's _soo_ much good that you've done, and will continue to do, cause that's just the type of man and cop you are. Don't let this mistake negate that. Crawford was always gonna find a way to protect his ass, whether it included you or not..."

He nods his head at her, touched that she always thinks so highly of him and knows just what to say to tweak his perspective a little. "I just wish there was a way I could have saved him…"

"I know… but maybe you can find a way to be there for his family. Nothing will bring him back, but maybe it will help you and them heal."

"That's not a bad idea…"

"I am known to have some good advice on occasion!" she smiles at him teasingly, seeing his spirits have perked up slightly.

"Thanks Hailey… I don't know what I'd do without you!" he smiles back at her and places his hand on her knee in appreciation.

She returns the gesture by placing her hand atop his. "Me either, Jay, me either…"

Their words hang as silence takes over again, the permeating tension that's been evident for months between them lingering. They stare at each other knowing there's nothing more they need to say, eventually separating and returning to eating their food and watching TV. They get it and that's all that matters…

* * *

Jay replays that night over in his mind as he watches Hailey, this time her being the one struggling. He knows she's blaming herself for the death of Cameron, even though she told him to run and leave town. He hasn't seen her get this emotional over a case since the false confession she coerced out of the suspect who later killed himself. She's just like him and if there's any chance of her feeling responsible, she's going to run with it. He just wants to be there for her, but he knows she has to see this all play out. He senses her tense up from his spot in the passenger seat as they see the drug money get revealed to Darius.

"It'd be real easy to move on them both right now. Burn Darius, can't use him anymore… he'd be booked, do his original time." She admits to him aloud, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah, for drugs." He reminds her.

"30 years is 30 years!"

Voight's voice cuts in over the Comms, reminding them all that they're waiting on Darius' move and play, angering Hailey even more.

"We're trusting- we're _protecting_ a killer…"

He just looks at her then, raw and honest, just wanting to break through and show her how much he has her back. But also wanting to bring her back down to earth.

"Hailey, I'd follow you anywhere…" and he truly means it more than he's meant anything else in his life. He wishes he could be admitting this to her under different circumstances. "But I know right now you would tell me to trust Voight."

She stares back at him, not responding, but he knows he got her to agree. A few minutes later Hailey and Jay watch Darius make his "escape" and Hailey goes along with the plan.

"Tell me someone's got eyes on the second vehicle." Voight asks over the radio for effect.

"Negative, cars in the wind. I repeat, do not have eyes. Calling it over the citywide now." Hailey voices back.

Jay watches her play along, knowing it's tearing her up inside. The remainder of the day is going to be a long one, he can already feel it. A couple hours later they're outside the interrogation room watching Mackie get questioned.

"Well I'd say that's a win. That guy has no idea that we played him." He says to Hailey, grasping at anything to say. She doesn't respond, nor does she seem to care that they've gotten one evil drug dealer off the street at least.

"Hailey…" he softly calls out to her in a way that only he can. "Cameron forgot which way was up…" he starts, hoping for an opening to continue further.

She stares back at him sadly, but appreciatively, still not talking. She reaches out her hand to touch his arm as a sign of thanks, then promptly turns to walk out. He's left staring after her, wishing there was so much more he would have said, all he wants is to comfort her.

* * *

A little while later, Hailey still hasn't gotten her emotions in check. She's so angry it appears they're just going to let Darius walk after clearly putting the hit on Cameron. The only silver lining of today had been Jay closely looking after her, not enough to be suffocating, but making his presence known… like now, as he sits right next to her on the edge of her desk, his thigh brushing against her arm. She's always grateful for him, but today she's a little extra even if she hasn't fully shown it. She's more so now that he speaks up to Voight as he walks back into the bullpen, as she knows he's only doing it for her.

"Sarge, what's your call on Darius?"

"I want to keep him in play. He's valuable. He probably saved us hundreds of OD's right? Look, the rest is simple; it's one murder we never make. He may not even be involved." Voight responds, irking Hailey even further.

"There's no way you believe that!" she argues back, knowing everyone is listening intently.

"My office?" Voight says sighing.

She gets up, Jay quickly following to go sit back at his desk, no reason to stay at hers now that she's no longer there. She feels his eyes on her as she does, but she puts all her focus into the oncoming discussion with her boss.

"I don't care if we can't make the case. You and I both know he was involved. You can't trust him." She quickly gets right back into it.

"I don't…"

"There's a thousand things that we don't know about him…" she continues as her voice cracks and her emotions start to show.

"I'm sure that's true."

"He should be held accountable!"

"Cameron walked into a police station. He knew he could be made. Then he went directly out on the streets .."

"Look, no no, I'm not defending him…" she interjects. "I'm not saying he was a good guy, a smart guy, a right guy, but he was _my_ guy. He was my CI. I put him out there! He was mine." She says with evident tears in her eyes now.

"Why don't you tell me what you want? I mean right now. You want me to yell at you? Or you want me to make you feel better?"

Hailey stands there and listens to her boss' speech, this time not interrupting. She can't deny that what he's saying isn't the truth, but it's still shitty.

"..Cameron was a snitch, so I'm sure his death is the cost of the game, but you're the one who has to carry it..." He finally finishes.

"How do I do that? How do I carry it?" she asks after sitting, trying to pull her emotions together.

"I still have no idea…"

She stares back at him, after a while realizing that in their line of work, sometimes even Voight doesn't have the answers. When she's confident she's free to go, she slowly makes her way out of his office. Almost everyone else at this point has left, except for Jay. Of course Jay is still there. He watches her with the most heartbreakingly sympathetic look as she comes back to her desk to sit down across from him. He lets her gather her thoughts for a minute before he finally speaks.

"C'mon, let's get out of here. Dinner and drinks on me, you pick the place."

She gives him a sad smile. "I don't know that I'll be the best companion right now."

He shakes her comment off as he's already up from his chair and rounding the desk to her, grabbing her hand to force her back up. "Doesn't matter. You're always my favorite companion no matter the circumstance. C'mon, let's go." He softly responds giving her a warm smile.

An hour later she's sitting across from Jay in a booth at one of their favorite restaurant bars, picking at her food. He hasn't forced her to talk yet, and for that she's thankful. When she's almost done with her second beer, she decides to open up to her plaguing thoughts.

"I should never have used him. If it wasn't for me, he might still be…" she lets the rest hang.

Jay reaches his hand across the table to lightly stroke her wrist… something that would definitely cause her to shiver under different conditions. "Hailey… it was the right call. He was our best option at the time and he wanted to help, more than willingly. He knew the risks."

"Yea, I know, but… we went way back. He may have just been a CI, but he knew me so well, he was like a friend. I should have made sure he left town."

"Hailey, he was a grown man. You couldn't force him to leave, he should have known better. What was it you said to me a couple weeks ago, ' _sometimes we have to take the bad to do all the good?_ ' And he wanted to help you because you _are_ the good. I know that I would risk my life for just a slight chance to see you smile. So Cameron knew what he was walking into."

She smiles back at him, small but genuinely. She can't believe how much he just revealed to her, as casual as anything. She knows now is not the time or place to analyze it too much. There will be time for that one day. Their heated knowing look continues to grow in intensity until Jay seems to realize his hand is still on her wrist. He looks almost embarrassed and goes to pull away, but she does something bold and out of character for her. She grabs his hand instead and holds onto it. He's her lifeline and she wants him to know it. He smiles back at her, not pulling away.

"Has anyone ever told you Jay, you're the best partner a girl could ask for?"

"If that's true, it's just because I'm mirroring my partner. She's kind of the best human I know."

Their breaths hitch in their throats at the territory this conversation is venturing in.

"KIND OF?" she finally says as they both laugh, cutting the tension some. "But seriously Jay, thank you for being here! It means a lot."

"Always, Hailey, always!"

They're aware they're still holding hands, but neither want to break the connection just yet. They just want to blissfully live in this cocoon for a little longer…


	15. Chapter 15

_[A/N: So the writers wanted to set out to break us with 7x09, huh? Talk about an onslaught of emotions. Well, here is my take on some of what Hailey was feeling during the episode and a little after it ended. I hate winter TV breaks now more than ever, and I just hope this brings Upstead together once and for all when it finally returns. Thanks so much for kindly reading and continuing to follow along!]_

* * *

Hailey is pacing back in forth in the break room on the phone, her coffee cup at her side in her free hand. It's been almost a full day now since Jay had been taken and every minute that goes by that they don't rescue him, her fear ticks up another notch. She's ready to lose it. She wants to believe it's mostly because she blames herself for allowing Jay to let it get this far, but she knows it's more than that. She's never been more certain in her life than she is now that she just cannot lose Jay. She remembers last year when he was shot chasing Daniel how much that affected her, but this, well this time it's much worse. Not only are her and Jay even closer now, but her feelings for him have grown tenfold, even if until now she's been refusing to admit it. She can't picture her life without him in it, and God help her, she doesn't want to. The thought alone makes her want to vomit. She tries to put it all aside as she makes this important phone call, fearing it's their last hope of gaining leverage on Pedro to give up Jay's whereabouts. It's not going the way she was hoping, unfortunately.

"He was supposed to be here half an hour ago… Yeah… Okay…"

Hailey hangs up the phone in frustration. Her emotions and anger taking complete control now, she slams her coffee cup into the sink. She leans over the counter and feels herself start to tear up as realization takes hold that it's going to take even longer to get to Jay. Who knows what the Silva brothers will do to him in that time span, or if Angela or them will find out he's really a cop. She tries to brush away her tears as she hears Adam knock at the break room opening.

"You alright?" he asks her sympathetically.

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

"The lockup keepers are taking a long time bringing up that Silva kid. "

"The honor student?"

"Yea, we're gonna use him as leverage against the old man."

"That's a good idea." Adam nods at her.

Hailey shakes her head, as if at a loss. "I've got to do something!"

She notices Adam looking at her like he finally realizes why and what she's going through, and she knows she going to break again. She puts her hand over her eyes as the tears start welling again. Adam puts his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Hey, we're gonna find him. You know that, right?" He says gently. "We're gonna find him!"

A second later Vanessa runs in, "Hey, Emilio Silva just landed."

Finally, it's the first glimmer of hope Hailey has had all day and she runs out with Vanessa. The sooner they can scare Pedro, the sooner they'll have Jay's location.

* * *

Within the hour, the team is locked and loaded at the address Pedro gave up. Hailey doesn't care how she has to do it, she's getting inside and getting to Jay; it doesn't even matter if it means risking her own life. His life is all that matters to her. Minutes later, her and Kevin manage to come across a tiny vent that he helps her crawl through to get in. She enters the abandoned manufacturing plant and immediately shuts off her Comms, she doesn't want to alert the Silva brothers, and she's also aware she may have to go incredibly off the book for this one. She quietly starts searching around with her gun drawn and ready. She begins to hear slight scuffling and quickly makes her way towards the noise. She arrives to find Jay wounded and stabbing a now semi-conscious Silva brother. She's never been more relieved and scared to see him in her life. There's so much she wants to say and do, but first she has to make sure he's fine and their perimeter is secure.

"Jay! Jay, are you okay?" she instantly runs over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, having to touch him, to know it was real. He was there, he was conscious, and most of all, he was _alive_. She notices his head wound bleeding profusely and his swollen eye instantly. He's definitely going to need a hospital, but he's alive and that's what matters.

"Jay!" she finally gets him to look up at her and recognition triggers on his face that he's safe and she's there. "Hey, are you okay?"

He doesn't reply as they both just stare at each other for an extended period of time, each in their own head. Hailey feels such relief that he's finally been returned to her. She knows now is probably not the time to have the feelings talk, but after the trauma they've been through, it's on the tip of her tongue. She wants to tell him right then and there how much he means to her, in disbelief how it was almost too late. He notices the emotions radiating off of her even with just one good eye at the moment. He nods his head down as if signaling to her there would be time for all of this later. She's saved him again like she always does, and they'll finally have their moment once this is settled, he doesn't doubt it and neither does she. Finally, he speaks.

"I've got to go help Angela, she's downstairs…. Stay with him." Jay slowly breaks away from Hailey and forces himself to his feet.

Hailey looks on in disbelief, not wanting him to go off on his own again, but he's on the move before she can argue and she knows it would be fruitless anyway. It's nice to know this hasn't changed his stubbornness. She waits with the offender and decides to call it in.

"5021 Henry, we've got an offender down and an officer injured. Roll two ambulances to 3900 West Union."

She's in the middle of cuffing him when she hears the gunshot go off and her blood runs cold. It's been less than a minute since Jay left her side again, but a lot can happen in a minute. In a minute 5 earth quakes will rip through parts of the world. The universe will expand by 2,766 miles. More than 250 new lives will be born. The average heart will beat 72 times, and for 105 people it will be their last… Panic takes hold of Hailey and she starts to pray and think of all the possibilities to spin this positively. Maybe it was Jay who pulled the trigger. Or maybe it was just a warning shot. She wants to believe it, but deep in her core she knows it's not true because she knows something is drastically wrong. Something is wrong with Jay. Her Jay that she _just got back_. She sucks in a breath and buries it all down before she's running down the stairs herself, gun drawn. She's down the steps within 30 seconds of hearing the gunshot, not wanting to know the statistics of what can happen that quickly… after all, it only takes a _second_ for one fatal shot.

She braces herself for what she's going to find, but nothing can prepare her. There's a half-conscious Angela with a gun less than a foot away from her lifeless hand. It's what she sees first… until the worst hits her, the worst is Jay a couple feet away from the entrance to the stairs struggling to draw in air, in clear agony, as a pool of blood starts forming all around his upper left chest. Hailey's eyes bug out of her head and she wants to cry and wants to vomit and wants to scream all at once, but she knows time is of the essence and she has to try to remain calm.

"Oh my God, Jay!" she manages to choke out before she first runs over by Angela's gun to grab it just in case the bitch miraculously gets a second wind. She's running back to Jay then faster than she's ever run in her life.

She drops both guns by her side and instantly starts putting pressure on his wound, attempting to stop the bleeding. He stares up at her helplessly.

"Hailey, I'm so sor…" he tries to say, gasping on his own words as he struggles to breath and talk.

She instantly stops him. "Shh, Jay, it's okay. You're okay. Don't speak, the ambulance is on its way." She moves one hand to scream into her radio again. "5021 Henry, Officer Down, I repeat Officer Down… get those ambulances here NOW!"

She feels the tears in her eyes start to stream down her cheeks and notices how hard Jay is trying to stay alert for her. He looks at her with pain behind his almost lifeless eyes, but not physical pain…

"Jay, you hang on ok? Don't do this to me! We have a lot to discuss you and I, ok? Hang on dammit!"

She swears she notices a small hint of a smirk on his lips. Those lips that she's wanted to slap so many times with his smartass remarks. Those lips that sometimes he just can't keep shut and they get him in so much trouble. Those lips that she's dreamt about almost every night, for who knows how long at this point, that she's never gotten to kiss. The world was cruel and unfair and she can't handle it wanting to take him from her. She starts full on balling then. This all lasts no more than a couple of minutes before Voight and Adam start barreling down the steps.

"Hailey! What the hell happened!?" Voight's gruff voice says in anguish when he sees the situation.

"KEV, GET THOSE PARAMEDICS DOWN HERE NOW!" Adam starts yelling up the stairs, running over to Angela as Voight assists Hailey.

"I don't know… he was fine… and he insisted on coming down to help her, told me to stay with Silva, and a minute later I'm putting pressure on his gunshot…" she starts shaking, trying to talk between her sobs as Jay's consciousness is slowly fading more. "I should have gone down, I should have gone with him… I… Hank, he can't die! I can't lose him..."

It's a world-wind for her as she slightly registers Voight's voice as he's pulling her back. She blurrily registers people she doesn't recognize attending to Jay now.

"It's Alright. It's alright. C'mon, let the paramedics work…" Voight says gently as he helps her up and keeps an arm around her shoulder.

She can't focus on anything he's saying, she can't even focus on her hate for Angela right now… her only focus is watching them help Jay. She stares as they put an oxygen mask on her partner, stable his neck, and slide him onto the backboard. Kevin is downstairs now and assists them in lifting Jay and bringing him up the stairs. She follows right behind, not wanting him out of her sight for a second, or ever again. They get him on the stretcher once upstairs and start wheeling him outside. Her and Voight right next to it. She sees Jay fighting his hardest to stay alert, to stay with them, to stay with her.

She leans over the stretcher and looks right into his face with her tear-covered one. "Stay with me, Jay! Stay with me!"

They're loading him into the bay now and she hops in right behind. She thinks she saw Voight signal to her to go ahead, but she can't be sure, and no matter what there's no way she wasn't riding with him. She tries to stay out of the paramedic's way, but grabs hold of Jay's hand and hangs on for dear life. She'd never been much of a religious person, but she prays the hardest she ever has in her existence on this earth. She's had to deal with so much in her 30 years, so much loss and pain, but nothing compared to this moment. If she wasn't ready to admit this morning and afternoon amidst all the fear she had that she loved Jay, she was ready to now. Her life doesn't exist without him. She would easily sacrifice hers if it meant saving him. But she knows the world doesn't work that way, so she squeezes his hand a little harder as the sirens get louder, allowing the tears to stream down her face again, and she silently prays. There is no good in this world without Jay Halstead, and she's not ready to accept anything less…

* * *

 **[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!]**


	16. Chapter 16

_[Can I just say, O.M.G. 7x10 really came at us like that! What a spectacular episode for Upstead. Aside from that damn phone it was perfect. Hailey has finally accepted her feelings for Jay and my heart is ready to burst. As always with this story, here's one of our favorite characters pondering over the episode moments. This is Hailey's view, and hopefully we'll see more from Jay's perspective soon. Thank you all again for all the love you give to this story and for joining me in our Upstead delight!]_

* * *

Hailey has been sitting in a pool of emotions ever since Will came over with an update.

 _He's lost a lot of blood…_

That one sentence and the look of dread on Jay's brothers' face keeps running through her brain. It's all she can see, that and finding Jay sprawled out in that basement with a pool of blood around him. The team had caught a case forced on them by Crawford hours ago, but there was no way she was leaving, nor would Voight ask her to. She wasn't moving from this hospital until she was sure Jay would be okay, and he would be, because he _had to be_ … she couldn't face the reality of otherwise. She was still completely lost in her thoughts when she saw Vanessa returning and approaching her again.

"Hey, how are you?" Vanessa asks as she hops up to give her a quick hug.

"I'm alright." She responds quickly, at a loss for what else to say.

"I got you some gyro from Greek Islands, thought you might be hungry."

"That's really sweet of you, thanks."

"And I got you some clean clothes from the apartment."

Hailey smiles at her gratefully. "Thank you." She responds, her voice coming out slightly hoarse from her sadness.

"Have we heard anything about Jay?" Vanessa asks as she takes the seat next to her again.

"No." she shakes her head at her roommate.

She takes a beat and then she starts to talk about Jay, needing to assure herself again that he'll be fine and cherishing having a moment to have someone listen.

"He's gonna freak out when he wakes up, the man hates needles. I can't figure him out. He's the first one through the door… a war vet, and he'd rather take a bullet than get the flu shot." She scoffs and bows her head again, getting emotional over her memories of Jay.

"Hailey…" Vanessa starts to say and pause, seeming to choose her words wisely. "I know how hard this must be for you…"

Hailey quickly tries to deflect. "It's always hard when something like this happens."

"It's hard because you love him…" Vanessa bluntly says, the words hanging in the air.

Hailey looks away a second, then smiles sadly. She's not ready for _this_ conversation. If she's being honest, her whole problem with Jay is she hasn't been ready for this conversation for almost three years now. Through their entire partnership, his fiasco with Camilla, them becoming each other's best friend and confidant, him getting shot the first time, her sleeping with Adam, their partnership almost getting broken up by Kelton, and now… she still hasn't been ready to admit or accept her true feelings for Jay, so she does her best to deflect again, even though she's certain the whole unit sees right through her now.

"Of course I love him, he's my partner!"

Hailey watches as Vanessa looks at her like she wants to call her bluff, but realizes Hailey needs her to stay silent. Luckily for her, both of their work phones buzz.

"Ruzek got a lead on the home invasion." Vanessa says seeing her message first.

Hailey points in the direction of where Jay is still at in surgery. "Yeah, uh, I'm gonna stay!" She says while trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Okay," Vanessa says softly and touches her arm before getting up to leave.

"Ok, thanks."

Hailey watches her leave for a second before she sits back and leans her forehead into her hand, the tears catching up with her again. There's a small voice inside her head saying to her _Vanessa is right, you should tell him…_ It's too much for Hailey to bear right now. So she just sits there, crying for her partner, her friend, the only guy in her life that matters, and just waits to see what fate holds for them.

* * *

Hours upon hours later Will finally comes out with another update for her. Hailey had finally changed into the clothes that Vanessa brought her and had managed to eat a tiny bit of the food, knowing she'd need the strength. She's never felt relief like she has than the moment Will walked back into the waiting room with a smile on his face. And with that, she just knew that meant his brother was okay, which meant Hailey's world could continue to turn. They managed to repair the artery and stop the bleeding. They were giving him blood transfusions to get his strength and levels back up, but outside of that it was a straight shot through his shoulder. Jay would need to stay for a couple more days, but he would make a full recovery, even to return to work. Hailey felt like she finally exhaled for the first time since she heard the gunshot go off. Will told her he should wake up from the anesthesia soon and she could go see him right after. She didn't have to be told twice, already gathering her bag of stuff from the waiting room and getting ready to walk to Jay's as soon as he was put in one.

It was another half hour, but finally she was standing over Jay's bedside, never so happy to see him so bruised, but _alive_. They made it again and she couldn't stop grinning at him. She knows she should tone it back before his cockiness arises and he calls her out on it, but she can't stop herself. Seeing him again has made her realize Vanessa is right, she's _IN love_ with him, and they've both wasted so much time already. It's right then she makes up her mind that she's going to tell him soon. She owes both of them that, but for now she just wants to see how he's feeling and relish in their banter again.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was asleep for a year." He replies hoarsely. She doesn't care though, it's so good to hear his voice again. It's like coming home.

"You needed a little rest." She smirks back at him.

" _Hailey_ —"

Wow, she's missed him saying her name. It's always so soft, like it's his favorite word to say. But she knows what he's about to say, she can see the anxiety and begging in his face.

"You know I hate hospitals…"

"I do!" she laughs, so predictable.

"You gotta get me out of here!" he smirks softly at her, hoping his puppy dog face will help his pleading.

"It's not optional, no!" she says grinning while shaking her head at him. She feels so cheesy, but she just can't stop smiling at him. It's like she's fully letting her guard down for one of the few moments she only does with him. He still continues to look at her hopefully before Voight comes in, interrupting the rest of the conversation.

"Hey." Their boss says to him, unable to stop the smile himself knowing his detective will be ok.

"Hey." Jay responds back.

"How's the shoulder?" Voight asks in his normal gruff voice.

"Feels like I'll be flying crooked for a while."

"I went and talked to Will, he said no structural damage, so you got lucky."

Jay gives Hailey another quick glance, shrugging. "I guess you can call it that."

Hailey notices Jay's eyes keep glancing to her as he continues to speak with their boss. "How's Angela doing?"

"She's under arrest." Voight tries to say slightly adamantly.

"Sarge, is there anything we can do for her?"

Jay looks up to Hailey once again and she purses her lips in sympathy. She knows Jay is not going to let this mother take the fall for almost killing him. As much as she doesn't fully agree with it, she understands both sides, especially Jay's, and knows he's a good man who just wants to right their wrongs. She can't disagree when that's part of the reason she loves him like she does. However Voight doesn't seem to share that notion.

"Jay, she tried to kill you. Okay, she's getting charged, full freight!"

"She knows the truth. And what happened to Marcus, that's on us." Jay tells him woefully.

It's then that one of the doctors comes in and tells them they have some tests to run on Jay, basically telling them they have to leave. Hailey gives Jay one final look before Voight is calling for her to exit with him. She knows he's going to want her stance, and her loyalty is to Jay and always has been… even if this almost killed him.

"What do you think?" he finally asks her once they're fully out of the room.

"Uhh, I think Jay's right. This Angela thing is a ticking time bomb. We need to take care of it… That was Burgess, they got an address on the home invasion crew."

"Alright you run point on that, I'm gonna put an end to this thing."

Hailey walks away, happy that Voight respects Jay and her opinions as much as he does. They've all come a long way. Maybe all three of them were just what the others needed, always keeping them grounded. She quickly makes her way over to the district, hoping the sooner they end this case, the sooner she can get back to Jay. She has a feeling she'll be sleeping in his hospital lounge chair tonight, despite his protests. As much as she knows he's fine now, she wants to be around him as much as possible. What a month this has been!

* * *

A couple days later Jay has finally got the all-clear to be discharged. Hailey is on her way to the hospital to pick him up and upon heading there she's decided that she's going to admit to Jay how she really feels. Now that he's officially being released and on the full path to recovery, she believes it's time. As nervous as she feels, she can't help but think this is the right path for them. If she was a betting woman, she'd wager Jay feels the same about her. She's noticed it for a while now, but was always too scared to accept it. They've both been pretty troubled souls, so it's just been easier to run. She's finally reached his room and takes a deep breath before entering, it's now or never.

She quietly watches him try to attach his sling, her heart doing flip flops seeing him standing again before he notices her. Once he does she quickly smiles and says, "Hey."

"Hey." He responds, still working on his sling.

"I got your badge and undercover phone from before." She says as she places the bag on the bed.

"Before it all went to hell?" he jokes.

She grins back. "Yea… here, let me give you a hand." She walks over to him since he's struggling to get his jacket on one-armed.

He softly groans in pain and as she pulls the front flaps forward towards the middle of his chest it takes every ounce of her to not wrap her arms around him. She knows it would be so out of character for her to be so mushy, so she fights the urge and steps back a little, thinking it's time to take the plunge.

"Listen, um…" she pauses for a second, wanting this all to come out right. "When you were in surgery, no one knew what was gonna happen. And it made me realize that I wanted to tell you something…" she takes a deep breath before smiling reassuringly at him.

She feels his eyes burning into hers and senses the softness there. And then he gives her a little smirk like he already knows and her heart wants to burst.

"Okay…" is his simple response, waiting for her move.

Right as she's about to speak again, his undercover phone starts ringing. _How does that damn thing still have battery?_ They both turn to stare at it, wondering if they should let it disrupt their moment. He finally succumbs and she sighs inwardly as he walks over to it.

"It's Bobby, it's Angela's son." He says, letting the words hang as if looking for permission.

She stares back, aghast that he looks like he's going to answer. "What are you doing?"

"I want to make sure he's okay."

She walks closer to him again, wanting him to listen to her, _needing_ him to after everything. "Hey, he's with his mom. He's okay. You just caught a bullet for this. You gotta let this one go, just let it go!" she tells him.

She sees that he's hearing her out and understanding, listening to her, the only person he ever really does, but the damage has already been done. She was about to tell him she loved him, and he still couldn't stop his need to try to save everyone but himself. She feels herself pull back the instant it happens, physically and emotionally. Even if she gets him to listen to her about Marcus' family… what will happen the next time his guilt for something eats at him? Will that finally become his ninth life? She can't go through that again. She knows she needs to tell him how she feels, but maybe they both need a minute to recover from this before proceeding. Her heart breaks a little more as she sees that he recognizes the defeat in her eyes, but he tries anyway.

"Alright." He nods and throws the phone back on the bed. "What were you gonna say?" he looks at her hopefully.

She frowns at him sadly and starts turning away as she speaks. "Never mind, I'm gonna pull the car around. I'll meet you out front." She says in one quick breath.

She swiftly walks away, not wanting to see the look of disappointment on his face; or for him to know how fragile again this just made her. Maybe she really was a stubborn idiot. Maybe he was too. Maybe, just _maybe_ they could fix each other, more than they already have… but she's just not strong enough for it right now. Maybe it will be time one day, and as she's walking to her car she can't help but hear his words that still haunt and excite her sometimes late at night… _Not in time for this unit,_ _for us_ _…_

* * *

 **[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!]**


	17. Chapter 17

_[A/N: Sorry for the delay on this. Since I wrote a one-shot tied to this episode, and well, just took a brief lazy break after it, I know I'm updating later than normal. But to reward your patience, I hope for two chapters this week, so stay tuned for a write-up in reference to 7x13. But without further ado, here's some Hailey insight to 7x12. Thank you for continually reading!]_

* * *

 _We went to the Academy together. He might have asked me out on a date… I might have said no…_

As Hailey sits back waiting for their next move to bust this corrupt drug ring run by cops, she can't help but think of everyone's reaction when she told them all how she knew Kelly Tyler. She can't help but to think of Jay's reaction. She gave a quick look specifically to him when she assured the team she turned Tyler down, as he was the only one who seemed to avoid looking at her during it. She recognized the tell of his equally quick jealousy when his jaw clenched while he looked to the floor; and she'd be lying if she said it didn't give her mild satisfaction. Since that day he was released from the hospital she buried her emotions again, running on the fear that one of them would somehow screw up if they took that next step and neither had emotionally matured yet. As much as it was killing her holding it inside now that she was _consciously_ aware she loved him, she knows it something that has to be done when the time is right for both of them.

Besides, thinking about Jay and everything that tethered them was still better than the alternative of thinking about her last conversation with Darius Walker. She finally told him that Cameron was her CI and that she knew he had him killed, and all his smug ass could say was that Cameron made a bad choice, that he was foolish. Like that just completely rights his wrongs of having him killed. The audacity the man had! It was in _that_ moment that she truly realized she hated Darius. He was the epitome of the scum she swore she would put away, a killer trying to hide behind the notion of 'doing the greater good,' and here they were working with him again. She's interrupted from her thoughts when Tyler arrives with his "boss" for the meet with Darius. Jay speaks up first, realizing it isn't Jake Gibbs, the other sergeant they learned was involved.

"Hailey," he signals to her to take the long lens so she can look for herself before he announces over the walkie to the rest of the team, "It's Lieutenant Mike Packer."

The team all silently gasps from their lookout spots realizing this is even bigger than any of them suspected… and they already thought it was huge. After some threatening from Packer, followed by some assuring on Darius' end, the three finally make the exchange. Voight tells them all to wrap up, thinking they have these guys "dead to rights," their tracker in place with the money Darius gave. Hailey breathes a sigh of relief, wanting this to be over with. She's not sure how much longer she can stand working along Darius. Jay notices instantly. She wants to believe it's due to their close confines in the van, but she knows he's as attune to her as she is to him.

"Hey, you alright?" he asks her softly.

She puts on her best deflecting. "Yeah, I just can't wait till this case is over. There's only so long that I can pretend to play nice with Darius, y'know?"

"Hailey, once Crawford approves Voight to get the warrants for their arrests, we'll be done with Darius for good. Then maybe somewhere down the line we can arrest him for good too."

"Yeah, maybe…" she responds unconvincingly.

Jay reaches out his hand and softly puts it on her shoulder. "Hey, don't get too close, ok? It'll be over soon."

Hailey looks in his eyes and just nods at him before they start to pack up their gear. She hopes he's right. Unfortunately, it couldn't be more wrong…

* * *

The DA had told Voight and Crawford that she would need him to give up his informant in order to approve the warrants so that their case against Tyler, Gibbs, and Packer would stick. As much as Voight tried to fight it, he finally caved with their prodding. This in turn of course led to Voight informing Darius that he had to name him. Clearly Darius was not happy, but the team assumed it to be over with since Voight had tried to assure him it wouldn't go to trial and no one would ever know he was a snitch.

The next day when they pinged the location of the three corrupt officers in order to finally arrest them, they discovered that they had been ambushed and killed, along with two Southside Hustlers. And an additional gangbanger was killed by Kevin as he was the sole survivor shooting at the team. With him dead, that tallied the body count up to six. Six were dead and everyone knowing without saying that this was the work of Darius Walker. Having them killed just like he did with Cameron so no one would find out he was a snitch. Hailey was seething _before_ she found out Crawford's plans for the coverup. She followed and marched instantly into Voight's office after his meeting with the Superintendent.

"That's it?" her tone accusing.

"Yeah, that's it." Voight responds.

"Crawford declares them heroes? And everyone washes their hands of it? And Darius?"

"Darius? They're cutting him loose."

"WHAT?"

"He's a free man."

"He _screwed us_! He screwed you!" she replies, getting angrier by the second.

"You got that right."

"After all this, the only winner here is Darius Walker."

"Well, there's an old saying, 'some cases are better left unsolved.'"

She shakes her head at him. "Not this one."

"Yeah this one." He sternly says back, signaling to her this conversation was over.

Hailey storms out, unable to be up there anymore. She's almost down the stairs when Kevin comes back up and goes to sit at his desk.

"Hey." He says to her, not noticing her simmering rage.

"Hey." She swiftly replies and continues on her way before she stops.

She walks back over to Kevin's desk and confirms with him that the gang members killed in the ambush were in fact Southside Hustlers. Once she gets the addresses out of him, she's ready to go on her way again, but not before he questions her.

"Why, what's up?" he asks.

"Nothing, thanks!" she responds quickly and starts walking away again.

"Alright."

She hears Kevin mumble and she realizes he must know something is wrong with her, but he knows better than to question her further. For once she's glad it was someone other than Jay she crossed paths with. She's not sure she could stop from breaking down if it was Jay, and all she wants to feel is the anger right now.

* * *

An hour later she's walking back to her car after her conversation with the gang bangers and putting Darius' name in their ears. She slows down when she sees the last person she had wanted to while in the bullpen now leaning by her car clearly waiting for her. She can't help but smirk, of course he would come after her.

"You following me?" she says teasingly, repeating his words from months ago and knowing this will be the lightest part of their upcoming conversation.

"What the hell are you doing, Hailey?" _He is not amused, okay._

"Doesn't concern you." She says, her voice coming out harder than she'd like.

"Yes it does. Good or bad, right or wrong, you know it does!"

If they were in any scenario but this one right now, she might have secretly swooned at his words. Wow. She tries to swallow the feelings, forcing her eyes to glance away before she responds to that.

"Okay. I'm investigating the murder of three police officers."

"We were told to stand down. You were given a direct order by the superintendant of police. This could destroy your whole career or _worse_ … so yeah, this concerns me!"

Hailey can't remember Jay being so angry with worry over her since the Booth case. It was back then she realized how strong their bond really was and how much other feelings were starting to arise. Seeing him like this now is ten times worse, he looks completely scared and overprotective for her and this time she gets the feeling is more than just concern for his partner. She absolutely cannot cave though. She has to see this through. She owes it to Cameron.

"I'm gonna figure out what the hell happened. And then I'm gonna take that case to Crawford and he can tell me to my face to stand down."

Jay sighs. "20 different times you have figured out a way to tell me don't get too close… I'm telling you, you're too close."

Hailey almost can't take the way Jay is staring down at her, giving her the sweetest and saddest puppy eyes, just hoping he can break through. Being around him is just drudging up too many emotions right now. She doesn't want to _feel_ , she just wants the anger to keep forcing her through. After the past couple months, first losing Cameron, and then almost losing Jay, the anger feels infinitely better than the sadness and fear she had been holding onto. The two latter had almost consumed her and right now, she'd surely take the former. As much as it pains her to walk away from Jay and his emotional speech, she knows she has to. There's only so much her sanity can handle in one week.

She nods at him and tries to reassure him. " _I'm okay_ , Jay."

He stares back at her, swallowing sadly. She can tell he's holding back from speaking more, so she takes it as her opportunity.

"Go home, okay?" she says softly as she places her hand on his upper chest, hoping it will comfort him that she's fine. Instead, despite the blistering cold surrounding them, she feels the radiating heat from his body that she's certain sends a spark straight to her soul. His eyes bore into hers and she knows she has to walk away as quickly as possible before she changes her mind.

She lets her hand run off of him softly as she's on the move walking away from him. She _feels_ his eyes staring at her as she makes her way to the car and she doesn't have to turn around to know what expression he's wearing. It's for certain a sad one, one laced with yearning and what-ifs and hopefulness for an uncertain future becoming certain one day. One that she absolutely knows without a doubt is mirroring her very own right now…


	18. Chapter 18

_[A/N: As promised, two chapters in two days. Here's some after moments of how 7x13 affected Upstead and thoughts from Jay. This season has definitely been consistently harsh, but boy does it make the characters shine. Hope you enjoy and thanks for all the love!]_

* * *

Jay follows Hailey into her place after an incredibly rough few hours and week. They had all just left the hospital after finding out Kim lost the baby. They had stayed for as long as they could without it becoming weird, wanting to give Kim and Adam their space and time alone to grieve. The remainder of the team along with Hank and Trudy debated going out for a drink to mourn the tough week together, but everyone decided they just wanted to process it on their own. Vanessa was going to meet up with one of her old coworkers from Gangs, so since Hailey and Jay were practically one anyway, that led them to choosing Hailey's residence to unwind.

It had been a while since the two of them had spent extended time together here, opting to go to a bar or on occasion Jay's place since Vanessa had moved in. It was like nothing had changed though, Hailey grabbed her whiskey as Jay grabbed them two glasses and they walked to her living room in sync. Hailey poured them both a little more than a shot and she quickly downed it. He knows she's been having a rough-go mentally these past few months, even though she's doing her best to hide it, and this week surely hadn't helped. He wishes he could wrap her in his arms forever and take her pain away. But they're not there yet, and that pains Jay these days more than anything. After his near-death experience the only thing he wishes for is for him and Hailey to finally be truly honest with each other about their feelings, yet they never seem to get there fully.

After Hailey starts to down her second glass, Jay decides to intervene. "Slow down there, slugger. I promise the whiskey won't get cold."

She rolls her eyes, but smirks at his corny joke. He's completely pleased at himself for easing her pain albeit however briefly. He smirks back at her before taking a big gulp himself, feeling the burn go down his esophagus and welcoming the numbness it's causing.

"It's been a hell of a week, huh?" she finally says softly.

"Yeah…" he agrees, staring into her eyes as they fall into amicable silence for another few minutes.

"I feel so bad for Kim… and Adam. I can't imagine what they're going through right now. They were both so happy..." She says drifting off.

"Yeah. It's gotta be rough. You love something that you never had so much, only for it to be taken away from you before you ever had it…" he responds, not realizing the loaded meaning of his words until they're out of his mouth. Their eyes bore into the other, the tension palpable until Jay decides to break it for both their sakes; emotions are high as is.

"The one solace though is how many lives Kim saved while pursuing this case, even until the very end."

"Yeah, but at what cost? What's the point of us doing all this good if it just ends up destroying us? Maybe none of us will ever be happy because we have to pay for every wrong we've done to cause a right." She responds sadly, gulping down the remainder of her glass before running her hand through her hair and leaning back into the cushions as if in defeat.

Jay sees the tears that's she's trying to keep at bay well in her eyes and watches her bite her lip to attempt control of her emotions. His heart breaks for the second time tonight. He would forsake his happiness for hers in a heartbeat… realizing there's some existential irony in that thought given the fact that _she's_ his happiness.

"Hey, hey…" he says gently as he grabs the empty glass from her hand and puts it on her coffee table before putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. Ever since he got shot, they've been more open with touching the other, but still very guarded in doing so. This moment feels right and needed though and it takes only a second before Jay feels Hailey's tension at their closeness ease as she melts into him. They both need this more than they know.

"Don't talk like that, okay? You do so much good, Hailey, _so much_! If anyone deserves happiness it's you. As does Kim, and Adam. Life can be cruel sometimes, but it doesn't mean we're being punished, ok? A wise person once told me, 'you can't keep blaming yourself.'"

She nods into his chest, but stays quiet for a while. He waits for her until she's ready. He'll always wait for her. She finally continues while her head still rests against him. Her voice vibrating his collarbone and he has to fight the shiver that runs though his body.

"Y'know, Voight called me out the night Darius was killed. He was clearly worried I wouldn't feel any remorse. I'm starting to think he might have been right. He told me if I didn't turn that part off, it would eat me alive. He asked me if I knew what kept him awake at night- nothing. And the truth is, I'm there. Anything that keeps me awake at night, and there's plenty, has nothing to do with my involvement with Darius. That's scary, Jay. We're supposed to be the good guys…"

Jay sighs and wraps his arms a little tighter around her. He hates that she's feeling this way, but is ecstatic she's finally opening up to him about this. He knows it's been plaguing her.

"We are, Hailey, _you are_! Darius was a bad guy who got what was coming to him. There's a lot of grey in what we do… and honestly, at the end of the day there's no true _good_ or _bad_. Every human is capable of bad things… what matters is that we spend our lives doing more good than bad. Darius spent his life preying on those who had less than him, doing horrible things while under a ruse that he was trying to help them. But all he did was rise himself up while he kept them down, making sure the tables would never turn. Maybe he didn't deserve to die, maybe that's not for any of us to decide… but don't for one second think that you're on the same level as he was. I see you, Hailey, every day, all you do is help people and care genuinely, even if it's the littlest thing. You help those you don't know. You help everyone around you. You help _me_ even when I don't deserve it. You ARE a good person… whatever the meaning of that really is. One wrongdoing will never take that away from you, hell a million wrongdoings won't. You're the best person I know. Please, don't ever forget that!"

He feels her tears wet his neck and she's silent for what feels like agonizingly long. He's scared he's said the wrong things and made her more upset, but then he feels her smile form against him. She finally pulls back a little to look at him and he swears if love had a visual definition it would be that.

"You know Halstead, you've become quite the sap since you got shot."

She teases him and they both start to laugh, easing the tension and volume of the moment. It felt good. Neither of them were dumb enough to believe their emotional distresses were over… She wasn't healed yet. And neither was he. But eventually they'd get there, and they'd find their way together…


	19. Chapter 19

_[A/N: A short little write-up in relation to one of 7x15's scenes. There were a few good Upstead crumbs in this episode. I'm excited to see where this apparent 7x16 Upstead-centric episode goes. What do you guys think? I'm hoping for at least a few good moments/talks. Anyway, hope you enjoy this update and thanks for the continued support. I have two ideas for multi-chapter stories again, but they're quite elaborate so I want to make sure I have the time to invest before I delve completely. Hopefully stay tuned soon!]_

* * *

Jay and Hailey were walking into the ER to talk to their latest person of interest, Travis Butler, when the sight they come across almost takes them back. There was a large group of parents all arguing and berating the others. The two shared a look before Jay realized Brett and Foster were in the middle of the mess, and figured he'd see if they knew what was happening.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked Brett.

"Victims of the fire were brought here, and so was Travis…" Brett started to say before the parent's fight started to escalate even more.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" one started yelling as two fathers got into each other's faces.

"Woah!" Hailey started to say as her and Jay started to try to break them all up. "Police, Hey, Police!"

Hailey tried to get the attention of the one by putting her hands on his shoulder as Jay cornered the other. The guy didn't seem to hear her nor care as he just swiped his hand back and hit her in her throat to keep her away.

"Get off of me!" he yelled back.

That was clearly Hailey's last straw as she touched her throat in shock and then proceeded to roughly grab the guy from the back and then throw him against the wall.

"Police! You need to calm down!" she authoritatively shouted.

Jay turned to notice her original distress and thought about letting go of the guy he was holding down to assist her when he realized she was holding her own. She had the twice-her-size man now completely pinned against the wall. Jay internally breathed a sigh of relief and then told his offender, "Calm down, calm down!"as Hailey repeated it as well.

Jay heard her then say, "Come on, let's go this way." As she started moving who they would later find out to be Travis' father away from the other disgruntled parents. He then made sure they all kept calm and took seats in the waiting room like civilized adults. He shot a quick look Hailey's way to make sure she was alright before conducted his questions to find any leads on the fire that was set. She nodded back to him signaling that she was so he continued on.

A couple minutes later he returned to where Hailey was talking with Mr. Butler along with Brett and Foster. He stared the man down as he walked over, seething inside, still angry at the fact he could have seriously injured Hailey. He knows it's best to just let it go since she is perfectly capable of handling it herself, and she seems to have made peace with the worried father. He whispered in her ear that none of the witnesses had seen Logan flee. Seconds later a doctor emerged to tell them that Travis' surgery went well and that he was stable, so they went in to question him. There wasn't much info to get out of the poor boy, he didn't know much about the drugs or where Logan had went. He had just wanted revenge for his dead girlfriend, something both detectives could relate to all too well. They decided to give the father and son some time alone; leaving slightly dejected knowing the teenager just gave up the next few years of his life and freedom.

They were silent as they made their way back out to Jay's truck, both lost in their own thoughts. Once they reached it and before Hailey could pull on the handle of the passenger door, Jay instinctively placed his thumb on Hailey's chin and his fingers under her jaw before he could stop himself. They both froze for a second at the contact, a mixture of warmth and shock in their eyes as they stared at the other.

"Let me see it." He said softly as he gently tilted her head back.

"I'm okay, Jay." She tried to assure him, not wanting him to make a fuss but secretly thrilled to see his concern.

"I know, but just appease me, alright?" he asked as his fingers lightly drift down her jaw and throat.

He felt her shiver under his touch and tried his hardest to suppress the triumphant grin he had. There was a small, pink spot right in-between her collarbone which may turn into a slight bruise, but overall she seemed fine. After his assessment was done, he let his fingers linger a bit longer, not wanting the loss of contact. She was holding her breath the whole time, the entire scenario much too intimate for her sanity at the moment. When he finally dropped his hand back, she let out a soft sigh. The two continued to stare seconds longer at each other, the air feeling thinner and thinner with the tension getting more and more palpable. Finally it's Hailey who takes a little step back, breaking the moment. She reaches up with her own hand to touch where Jay's just were; knowing if she closed her eyes she could still feel his touch, a pleasant burning remaining.

"See, I told you I'm fine." She manages to whisper out.

"Yeah…" he agrees drifting off.

She gives him a small smile and nod as she opens up the passenger door and starts to get in, officially ending the intimacy. Jay sighs and makes his way over to the driver's side. He starts the engine before he turns to her again.

"I have to say, Hailey, I was impressed by how you handled that guy."

She tries to shrug it off. "Just putting to use all the training we do."

"I don't know it was kind of hot how you had him pinned. I wouldn't mind a woman doing that to me." He gave her one of his flirtatious smiles, the kind he used to use a lot towards the beginning of them starting to open up to the other all those years ago.

She raises her brow at him and smirks back. "Oh yeah? Be careful what you wish for, Halstead!"

"Copy you, Upton!"

They grin at each other as he starts pulling away from the hospital to head back towards the district. They may be walking on egg shells on how to proceed with whatever _this_ was between them, but they could at least have a little fun while they're both too stubborn to figure it out. After all, their things work…


	20. Chapter 20

_[A/N: Some Jay musings and an expansion on the final scene in 7x16. Guys, we FINALLY GOT THEM DOING THEIR THING AGAIN! Such a good Upstead episode. Of course, I'll always wish for more until they're actually together, but it definitely gave us more progress in their relationship. I'm still banking on and praying we'll get them by this season's finale! Enjoy the read and thank you all so much for your continued support, it means the world!]_

* * *

Jay exits his car and starts making his way into the bar to meet Hailey. After getting Michelle settled and making sure she gets the hell out of Chicago ASAP all he wanted for the rest of the night was to see his partner. As he beat the pulp out of Shane the only thing that kept flashing through his eyes were images of a young Hailey, cowering in her room scared for her mom and brothers. And yet despite all that she went through, she was still the strongest person he knew. Maybe that's why they clicked so well, they had both seen and lived through so much shit, yet still managed to put other's needs ahead of their own. His lips quirked up on reflex the second he saw her sitting there at the table waiting for him as he felt his heart rate accelerate like it so often does around her.

Her lips quirk up slightly too as she sees him approach and he swears he feels his heart skip a beat. She looks at him knowingly as he sits, pointing to the drink that just got delivered. "I ordered you a double." She simply states.

"Thanks!" he replies and sighs, relieved she knows him so well and how this case completely drained him.

"So?" she asks.

"So Michelle is on a plane with her daughter and her brother's gonna pick them up in Phoenix." He takes a sip of his bourbon and feels it burning his throat as he swallows it, relishing in the numbness it brings.

"That's great, that's great news!"

"It is if she stays away from Shane."

"All you can do is buy her the ticket. The rest is up to her." She takes another sip of her drink.

He nods at her, for the first time today it sadly hitting him just how much of an expert Hailey is with these situations. "I don't know how you went through this growing up."

"Hmm. Every situation's a little different. My dad would come home drunk after being out all night. My mom would say something to him, he would snap…" Jay stares at her sympathetically as she pauses. She diverts her eyes from his penetrating gaze before continuing, "…I was little so I just put a pillow over my head to try to make it all go away. But you know she would come downstairs the next day with a bunch of makeup on, trying to cover it up. You could still see the bruises. Every time we would tell ourselves it was the last time, but of course it would happen again and they were just in this terrible dance. But you know I would close my eyes, and I would _wish_ that somebody would come in and just put him in his place. Do what you did. You did a good thing, Jay!"

She turns back to look at him as she says that last part and he can't help but feel in awe of her. Part of him wants to wrap her in his arms and never let go. The other part realizing she doesn't need him to because she battled this on her own for so long already. He _wishes_ he had been there earlier. He wishes it was her dad instead of Shane he punched out tonight.

"So what happened to your mom? Where'd she go?"

She has that look of indifference in her eye. "Nowhere. She's still with my dad."

She takes a sip of her drink, frowns, and looks down towards the table. Jay is blown away. She's never opened up this much to him about her family before. She'd talked about her brothers plenty and stories of the restaurant from years before, but never directly about her mom and dad. He had never pushed, knowing it was a sour subject, but he had hoped maybe they divorced somewhere along the way. They sit in amicable silence for a minute or so before he realizes he just needs to touch her, willing for even the smallest gesture. So he reaches his hand out and softly places it around her forearm folded on the table, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you for telling me!"

They stare at each other, their gazes piercing straight through the other's soul. He waits for her response, but instead she looks down at his hand to his bruised knuckles. To his surprise she grabs it and softly runs her fingers over them, making him shiver.

"Jay, you need to put ice on this!" she says concerned, but also calculatingly changing the subject.

"It's not as bad as it looks." He assures her.

"Why do I feel like I've heard that before from you?" she chuckles, making him chuckle, effectively ending the dreariness of the prior conversation.

"Are you starting to conduct a running tally?" he asks her.

"I might have to. See, this is why you need me there always watching your back!"

"'Cause we're good together, right?" he teases her, enjoying the slight blush that comes from it.

"Hey, by all means go take Kev or someone as your partner. See how long they'll put up with you."

"No, no! Have you ever been in a car with Kev or Ruz after they ate a chili dog? No thanks, I'm good. We're good!"

"I knew you'd see it my way!" she grins back cockily.

Jay can't help but beam back at her thoroughly enjoying this time after the day they had. They finish their first drinks and order another round, sipping slowly enough that they'll tell themselves it's so they're sober enough to drive, but really it's to max out as many hours together like this as they can. An hour till close they realize they should probably leave and get some sleep since they have work again in the morning; both secretly begrudging parting ways.

They walk out to the parking lot close together. Jay had parked right behind Hailey. As they reach their cars he debates hugging her but decides against it in fear he won't be able to let go. Sensing his hesitation, Hailey opts to halt any awkwardness before it arises and says, "See you tomorrow!"

It's then Jay remembers the flowers they both forgot in his middle console earlier. His emotions are conflicted on whether he should bring them up again.

"Hailey, wait…" he hesitates slightly, but then just goes for it, "Don't forget your roses."

She smiles shyly at him, cautiously approaching. "I thought you said these were for your girlfriend?" she teases.

He extends them to her and her fingers accidentally run along the back of his hand as she grabs them, both feeling the spark between them at that simple touch. "Maybe it was wishful thinking…" he softly says and she quirks her brow at him, both trying to hide the heat radiating off their cheeks. "Besides, you're the closest thing I have to one anyway. No one nags me more!" he jokingly adds trying to lighten the sentence and mood, both knowing they're entering the point of no return.

"Someone has to keep you in line!" she jokes back and they grin at each other. She gets serious a second later, uttering simply, "Thank you, Jay… for everything! I really do love them." in the softest, most sincere voice. She averts her gaze after a moment, looking down at the flowers in her hand trying to conceal her emotions.

He nods back, swallowing hard. "Anytime Hailey…"

They let the words hang in the air before Hailey whispers, "Good Night!" still semi-avoiding his gaze as she walks the few steps back to her car.

Jay watches her get in, still staring even after she closes the door and starts the engine. He tries to control the beating in his heart again, knowing Hailey has forever etched her place in it; and wishing he could romantically buy her flowers anytime he wanted to show her how much she means to him. With a sigh he finally opens his door again and gets inside before Hailey texts him asking, _what the hell are you doing still standing in the cold_? With that thought Jay smiles to himself and thinks, _we really are good together_!..


End file.
